Now, you may or may not have guessed by now that at some point, I lived in the Golden Gate State. To be clear, I haven't lived there long term in over 6 years. It's a lovely, sunshine-y state with beaches and seemingly infinite miles of freeways and often hippies galore. However, other than the lack of seasons, there is one MAJOR downfall. I'll outline it below, after the jump.
Dear California DMV,
I appreciate that you take account of all of the drivers, of which there are nearly innumerable amounts, in this large state. I am forever grateful that I was able to acquire both my learner's permit and my license on my birthday, exactly one year apart. Removing both highway driving and parallel parking from your driver's test was a stroke of nothing less than brilliance (though the implications in a state with the vast number of drivers that California possesses are what you might call not great). Aside from the normal gripes and grievances that people air all too frequently, you have one giant failing that made my last 24 hours basically a cesspool of panic.
It's your policy regarding how to recover your own driving record. Now, I know for a fact that I have a single speeding ticket in the state of California - seriously, who doesn't? The only problem with this is that you need to provide information regarding any minor law violations (including, yes, even speeding) on a Rule 9 application - and on the Bar application. So, yesterday, as I was diligently making sure I had all of the proper material to send to my summer internship, disaster struck. I went on the California DMV website, looking to obtain confirmation of the violation number, date of violation, and date that I paid the fine. In theory it shouldn't have been hard. These are PUBLIC RECORDS. Literally anyone can request a copy. In some other states, you can obtain an email copy literally seconds after you request one.
After about half an hour of scouring the internet, and inadvertently signing up for a site and doing a background check on myself (squeaky clean, in case you were wondering), NOTHING. I could find no copies of my California driving record anywhere. Infuriating. Utterly infuriating. FINALLY, I came across a descriptor of how to go about obtaining your own driving record. It was (more or less) as follows:
"You must appear at any California DMV office IN PERSON, fill out a form, wait in line for freaking ever, pay $5, and then you get a paper copy. We absolutely, categorically refuse to release any of this information online or over the phone - even if you can prove it's your own driving record. Those of you who live out of state are SOL."
I'm currently out of state. There is not anyone in state at the moment who could fill out the alternate public records request and go into the DMV, waste several hours, then scan and email me a copy all in the same afternoon. Now, I'm aware that there can be reasons for doing this, such as the protection of identities and whatnot. But REALLY? Really? It's a public record anyway. Are we just trying to make bureaucracy take over the whole of the government? Are you unfamiliar with the term "bureaucratic slowdown"? It's a large part of the reason that people become so vehemently anti-government - it's goddamned inefficient. DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB.
At some point, I gave up on getting the specifics and just wrote a disclaimer, including the year of offense, a description, the actions taken, and the ending note that I had done traffic school to have it removed from my record. But this was after almost THREE HOURS of frustration. It is the twenty-first century. It has been incontrovertibly established that technology is the way of the future. California DMV, get your shit together.
Sincerely,
Me.
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