Thursday, January 31, 2013

Confession Time

I'm not your typical girl in some respects. I voluntarily watch Top Gear (UK) whenever I can. And legitimately enjoy it. I mean, beautiful cars, strange cars, quirky challenges? How could you not love it?

They did a James Bond car challenge a while back, and then followed it up with a special that went through all of the notable Bond cars as supplied (largely) by Aston Martin. Aston Martin makes one goddamned beautiful car. Case in point - the DB-9 (the most notable early Bond car), the Vanquish, and the DB-S (think Daniel Craig in Casino Royale). Fun fact, when they made Daniel Craig's car flip over during the chase scene, they had to install a small rocket in the bottom carriage of the car, because they couldn't get it to flip like it was supposed to. By god did that work. They proceeded to accidentally set a record for the number of flips of a car in a movie scene (which may have been broken by now, but  you really shouldn't be getting your facts from me).

Anyway, I though this was one of their more fun challenges....the tiny car challenge. Now, don't judge me, but for a while I had a minor smartcar obsession. As in wanted to own one. Granted, a full sized smart car is a step up from this overgrown rollerskate, but still, not the best choice for driving in snow and all other various forms of the elements. Thank God I was finally talked out of that (mostly by myself and going for test drives).

But, in the interest of encouraging the kind of time wasting I am so adept at, here's a video of a hilariously tiny car!

Premonitions of Disaster

In the grand traditions of law school there are moments that are non-negotiable, integral pieces of the experience. One such piece is commencement (graduation, for you heathens out there). Another is law school orientation - typically the week before law school actually starts (1L year, anyway) - during which time they attempt to terrify you and inculcate the idea that law school is the beginning of the rest of your life. In fact, the whole of the terror of 1L year might be called an integral piece of law school.

But I digress, the point is that one of these moments is also during 2L year (as few moments are). Some call it hump day, some call it the half way point, some might even call it when you start seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Though, that might also be when you get a summer associateship. My school's hump day is coming. And on Superbowl weekend no less. Now, you may ask, what does a hump day consist of? Well, like most big events in law school, it involves a celebration. A celebration with all of your closest friends, most despised nemeses, frenemies, etc. This, as many "adult" occasions do, involves the imbibing of alcoholic beverages, and the snacking on of various tiny amounts of foods.

Now, as we all know, the Superbowl in the US is widely know for (1) football, (2) tailgating, (3) beer, (4) nachos, and (5) commercials. Keep in mind that for myself and my fellow 2Ls this is happening the day after hump day. On our hump day, we will be provided with free stuff. If there is anything a law student knows how to do incredibly well, it is take advantage of free stuff. So, basically, a giant party (which usually requires sleep in its wake) followed by a nationwide drinking holiday. On the upside, I live near public transportation, and within walking distance of both of these events. So, no drinking and driving, because that should never happen, kids. Never. In the wise words of my mother, when teaching 16 year old me how to drive, "you are operating a 4000 pound killing machine, don't take that lightly." Comforting words from mom. The following day she forced me to drive for 7 hours to my grandparents house through beginning of weekend traffic in a major city, on one of the largest freeways in the US, with semi trucks merging next to me. Keep in mind that this was before I had mastered either freeways or smooth lane changes. My mother's constant chorus of, "You're drifting! Eyes in direction of movement!" was met with my own internal monologue of, "We're gonna die. We're gonna die. We're gonna die." Fun times.

Certainly this weekend will be both more exhausting and more fun than that. (Though, I will say, I am a much more confident driver for that terrifying experience.) The point is that after this weekend, I hope to have stories of people being a hot mess and general disasters, dear readers. I foresee some general disaster-ness, and hope that you do too.

Successes in Law School

Frequently feel like this:

In the sense that it's almost a failure....and the success ends up feeling like mere survival.

So Close, Yet So Far

This is how Thursdays feel in law school:

But, you're almost there, ALMOST!

The weekend is nigh upon us. And then, you can do like this adorable, tiny excuse for a puppy (I'm convinced it's an overly fluffy cat) and bundle yourself up in blankets and be incandescently happy in your ability to sleep (and sleep in!).

Until then, compatriots, you, like this flying puppy, can do anything you set your mind to.

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Things and Stuff

In law school you get introduced to the idea of doing mock arguments, occasionally called moot arguments. The word moot becomes a verb - as in mooting. Apparently it's actually a verb, or so the internets tell me. Who knew? The problem with doing this is that, while it is excellent practice, it's not always super interesting. Particularly when your professors are the ones largely giving notes.

I'm noticing that my phone has a terrible battery life. Seriously. I barely used it today and it's near dead. Stupid technology, betraying me.

I can't help but feel that in situations like this, the time might be better spent by the rest of us working on things that have upcoming deadlines. But, then, that would involve a bureaucracy working efficiently and effectively. And we all know how that goes.

On the upside, Spam Musubi! Don't knock it until you try it. Basically it's a fried slice of spam, wrapped in sushi rice with some sort of delicious sauce, and wrapped in nori. Sometimes there's a fried egg involved. It's glorious and horrible for you and it is my dinner. Om nom nom nom.


When you get a grand total of a true 1 hour break all day, you tend to try to take advantage of that. I do this by means of speaking with people about things that don't make me feel like I'm losing my mind constantly. Other people do more productive things. But, when you wake up < 30 minutes before you need to leave, have to shower, and have to get a bunch of shit together, it's bad news bears. I ran out of the house and left my headphones (problematic for going on a short run), left a change of clothes - so sweatiness....ew, and didn't eat food. So, food ended up being like a half cup of oatmeal from the cafe. At lunch I ran and got real food. Still have nothing for dinner, but I'll worry about that when I get to that. The point is, that in all my running around and meeting with people and working on things, and downing coffee and green tea, I neglected to leave 2 minutes to run to the bathroom. This is problematic when you only have one real break and don't want to miss class. Needless to say, I'm staring down the clock for the next 20 minutes and then bolting immediately. UGH.

Advice for Aspiring Lawyers

The LSAT is not the end of the world. Just the worst multiple choice test you've far. Just wait, it gets worse. And, honestly, if you're studying for it and "can't handle the pressure", good luck with law school, because you're going to crumble. 
  • Learning how to de-stress is key.
  • Be really really really sure that you want to do this. Seriously, you're giving up three years of your life, and likely a relationship or two (not necessarily a romantic one), and your ability to think like a normal person. 
  • All of law school feels like this: 

Take that however you will. 
  • Get ready to hear generational generalizations. Most law school professors are significantly older than you. By significantly, I meant that there will be a noticeable generational gap. Such as today, when my professor blanketly made the assumption that history doesn't matter to the three generations currently in class. Personally, I find that mildly offensive. 
  • You will routinely get through 10 minutes of class and it will feel like an eternity. Unless you're a much better person than I am. Which you probably are. What I'm saying here, is that more days than I'd like to admit feel like this: 

  • It is OK to go to law school, only to realize that you really don't ever want to practice law. Or to go to law school and suddenly realize that you want to be a big mouthed litigator (I would be the case in point on that one). 
  • Even if you don't want to practice, TAKE A CLINIC CLASS, dear god, take a clinic class. Otherwise, unless you're incredibly into esoteric details, you're going to lose your damn mind and wonder why you have resigned yourself to large amounts of debt and surroundings that are disturbingly like a case study in both game theory and clinical psychology. 
  • The lesson to be learned from not getting into the law school of your choice is this: kick ass your first year of law school, and you can transfer. 
  • Unless you're some sort of fitness freak, your physical well being will likely take a minor to major nosedive at some point during your law school career. Take a good long look in the mirror, and think about how attractive you feel at the moment. Then divide your attractiveness by half, and add the largest dose of nerdiness you have access to. Then add the inability to have normal conversations, unless they're peppered with legal terms. Yeah, getting the picture now? Not pretty, is it? I will say that it does get 3L year. If you have a job. 
  • Think about your job situation currently. Do you have a good shot of getting one? Do you currently have a solid job? Do you feel fairly satisfied with your situation in life? Do you enjoy not being in a soul-crushing amount of debt? Do you enjoy having a social life? If you answered yes to most of these questions, be prepared for most of that to be turned on its head in law school.  Ta-Da! Sucky life situation. 
  • Do you gain a sick sense of functionality as a person watching other people's lives fall apart (in a strictly #firstworldproblems sense of the term)? Do you get a sort of masochistic pleasure from being overburdened with work? Are you extremely type-A? Do you enjoy listening to/reading about extremely opinionated people tearing each other a new one? Then, my friend, law school is for you.
  • Learn how to make quick meals, or how to freeze months of food. Also, have a dishwasher. 
  • Get comfortable ordering things online. 
  • Begin dreading parking tickets like the plague. 
  • Begin dreading tuition statements like the plague
  • Begin questioning the logic of externships. 
  • Practice hiding your jealousy for when a classmate gets that journal spot/summer job/moot court spot/ class/grade/recommendation that you wanted. 
  • Determine how much you care about quality of things vs. free-ness of things. 

This has been my tutorial in getting ready for law school . Now, deep breaths, learn how to meditate, and invest in coffee. 

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Valentine's Day

Speaking as a single female (well, mostly single, but that's another story entirely and likely will not be told here), I am so sick of seeing sappy commercials for movies inspired by Nicholas Sparks novels. The man writes a good romantic novel, if that's your cup of tea. For the vast majority of the single, female, 20-somethings though, facing unremitting reminders of our singleness as we struggle to finish school/find jobs/ actually have functional family relationships and friendships is really not high on our priority lists. And, yet, year after year, right after New Years, every movie production company in existence (hyperbole, friends, hyperbole) seems to put out trailers for the saddest, sappiest romantic movies or the dumbest, most formulaic, watch-only-with-much-wine romantic comedies, or "rom-coms" as it were. Now don't get me wrong. There is nothing wrong with a girls night in with wine, snacks, nail polish, and sappy girl movies, but some of them are awful for anyone that doesn't do feelings so much. As a friend and I tend to say, "feelings are for the weak." And after a bad week, "I'm gonna drink until I don't feel feelings." Obviously neither of these statements are accurate. One refers to not enjoying talking about feelings ever, and the other refers to needing a single gin fizz to take the edge off. By the way, and this is totally unrelated, gin fizzes are RIDICULOUSLY good. New favorite. But, I digress. Movies that have little substance OTHER than feelings piled upon mushy feelings, make me squirm inside. The tongue in cheek hyperbolic emotion of satirical movies, I totally dig. Raw emotion in war movies is perfect. Pretending that actual, living people experience the emotions and situations that are intrinsic in a romantic comedy storyline is utterly ludicrous. And, frankly, as a 20-something female, mildly demeaning. Sometimes (a lot of the time) we don't give a flying monkey if we have a significant other. Hell, I have the greatest platonic life partner known to man. So there's that. I don't need some movie telling me that all the crap things that happen in my day to day life would just suddenly get better and the clouds would open upon a quadruple rainbow and it would rain candy if only I had a serious relationship. Why you may ask? Not because I'm against the idea of relationships, but I choose not to define my life by them. I am me, regardless of whether or not I'm in a relationship. All that happens when I am, is that I get a little more codependent, tend to go to sleep at more reasonable hours and I cook a lot more. Let's be honest, that's the best part, not having to cook for just yourself anymore. So, why then should some Hollywood writer suddenly decide that I'm not good enough or happy enough on my own? I've known people that stayed in miserable relationships for years just because they were terrified of being alone. Ugh.

I think that's the end of my rant for now. Except for this - my current frontrunner for a movie that is going to make bank on Valentine's day is "Warm Bodies." Who doesn't want to see a zombie-murder-love story?

Adventures in Procrastination

I am an expert at procrastinating.

Yesterday I learned how to make new dishes. Then I made blondies and homemade potato chips, along with sauteed squash, parmesan sauce and baked potato.

Today was homemade mac and cheese, a delicious bacon parmesan scramble for breakfast....and I was going to do some additional baking, but TV happened. And organization. And the paying of bills. And reading.

So there ya have it. I'm gonna see where actually doing work gets me in the next 45 minutes, and then snickerdoodles might just happen. Stupid cream of tartar. Never there when you need it.

Monday, January 28, 2013

Reflections on LinkedIn

  • Social media and the utter lack of internet privacy in the United States (seriously, go read your ISP's privacy policy that you already signed on to) have made it possible to inadvertently semi stalk someone. Case in point, I accidentally ran across a guy I went on a few dates with (did not know his last name) in the "suggested connections" on LinkedIn. It was a weird moment. I exited that window immediately.
  • People have increasingly large networks on LinkedIn that follow a bell curve shape with age. Professionals in their 40's (which is the age where I automatically assume that people have their shit sorted out) have these networks of hundreds of people. People in their 20's tend to have a hundred or so (but, keep in mind, this comes from someone who is mildly socially inept), and people that did not grow up in the age of the internet are at about that level. 
  • I'd be fascinated to know if LinkedIn actually does anything to GET you a job. Y'know, before you have a full time, paid job with benefits. 

Musings on other topics:
  • Online dating is weird. I've done it. I'm not against it. It works for a lot of people. It's still weird. It feels like just a few years ago it was a taboo. You'd get made fun of for seriously dating someone you met online. Now I actually know people who are marrying people they met online. And advertising that fact. I have little faith in the upcoming nuptials, but that is for entirely not-internet related reasons.
  • Is it possible that there is a correlation between the rise in online dating and the rise in divorce rates in the US? They have both spiked roughly around the same time. 
  • Online dating sites have ludicrous names. Examples: "christian mingle" "black people meet" "plenty of fish" Just...Wow. Did creativity go out the window with increased efficacy of spell check?
  • Seth MacFarlane's shows are less funny than I thought they were four years ago. His commencement speech for Harvard, however, is still one of the best I've ever seen.
  • I don't know where I was going with all of this.


This was written Friday (and I failed at posting things).

So, in the past 24 hours, I've had regular course work, completely re-vamped and formatted a brief that's actually going to a court, studied for and passed tribal bar exam. Boom. I'm operating on a lot of caffeine and not much sleep and claritin D (because I actually needed a decongestant this morning for breathing purposes).

I remember those (comparatively) care-free days of high school and undergrad, when I could pull all nighter after all nighter (granted, this has never been a particularly prominent skill of mine) and be relatively coherent and functional and feel relatively normal. Beyond the age of about 21 (which begs the question of whether or not this ability declines along with the health of one's liver), you need at least an hour of sleep, preferably more to be productive during an "all-nighter"....which then makes it not an all nighter. Vicious cycle, that. Also gross. So that thing.

Mental Health

Mental health days should be a real thing.

Except, when I take them, I cook/bake all the things and do nothing hugely productive.

On the upside, my classmates get some tasty blondies tomorrow (for those of you unfamiliar - blondies = basically bar shaped chocolate chip cookies). Le sigh.

Friday, January 25, 2013

When low on sleep because you're studying for an exam, or writing something, or what have you, sometimes things become more funny than is warranted. That being said, this may not be as awesome/funny as I think it is at the moment.

The premise here is that two of the hosts of a Danish TV show called "Guinea Pigs" decided that they wanted to know why women complain so much about childbirth and labor. So, they found a midwife to coach them through simulated labor pains, using electrode strips attached to their abdominals by a Physiotherapist. The plan is for them to go through 2 hours of mild-intense electric shocks to simulate contractions.

Guys, you especially should pay attention if you ever plan on making your wife/significant other go through this to bear you children. (Also, it's really funny to watch them wuss out/freak out) It doesn't hurt that the one who sticks it out is fairly attractive and you get to see quite a bit of him shirtless.

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Bizarre Occurrances

I'm rapidly coming to the conclusion that (1) the 1Ls have some severe form of separation anxiety, (2) either they are or the upperclassmen are incredibly socially awkward, (3) law students are unsettlingly insular, and (4) ALL OF THE 1Ls scream-whisper in the library. Why, god, whyyyy!!?!?

Scream whispering should be outlawed. Granted, I understand the problem with obtaining the skills to actually whisper and how sometimes your voice gets much louder than you intend, but REALLY? If I can still hear you the equivalent of four normal (not two monstrous library tables) tables away, you're talking TOO loud for this silent-as-the-grave location. Also, I fully intend to glare at you through my smartypants reading glasses until you understand my frustration with you and shut your pie hole. I mean, my god, we are the internet generation, are we not? Fucking use g-chat.

I also think I must give off this rather extreme strain of "fuck off" vibe in the library. Seriously. No one usually sits with me unless they were there first, they came into the library with me, or if there are no tables left. Which is mildly hilarious, since I'm clearly not being productive. But, nonetheless, I guess that's what living in France gave me: extreme back-off syndrome. In my own defense, it was a survival technique there, to avoid getting cat called and/or groped on the street by creepers. My theory is that the reading glasses triple the otherwise minor "fuck off" vibe. Yeah.......sure. That has to be it.

Rules are Silly

In this case, for once, I'm not talking about the common sense ethical rules we're all required to which I mean, be generally familiar with. No, in this case, I'm referring to residency status requirements.

Let me start off by making one thing plain: yes, I am one of those lucky bastards you all love to hate, who will be exiting law school with no loans. I have accepted this. I also recognize that this limits me less so than my peers. All of that being said, can we please all jointly recognize the absurdity of the cost of College and Graduate level education in the United States? Yes? Good.

Now, my family may qualify as "upper-middle-class," but we are by no means rich. I don't know any trust fund babies, I'm not one, and both my parents grew up in a gang-infested neighborhood and somehow made good. So, all pretension aside, they did as any loving parent would do, and saved up a shit load of money for their kid to have all of the opportunities they didn't. This meant that by the time I got to college, and got accepted to an outrageously expensive private school, they had the money. Yes, they paid for all four years of my undergrad (granted, I worked part time for my own spending money), which included graduating with both a bachelor's and a master's. And they paid out of state tuition. That, my friends, is brutal. Private colleges cost enough, but to add in out-of-state tuition, and not qualifying for need-based scholarships or loans, is just cruel. So, when it came around to law school (and i packed up for the 11th time in 5 years) and moved to a different state which offered students the opportunity to qualify as in-state residents after a year, my parents were overjoyed. Though they had to pay out of state tuition for a year, there was the potential to save (over the course of two years) $40k. That's no small chunk of change and nothing to laugh at. So, this summer, I started filling out the rather extensive paperwork.

Lo and behold, after a year in law school, I was able to spot the problem with this wonderous opportunity within 10 minutes. You only qualified to become "in-state" if you were either completely independent of your parents (e.g. were either independently wealthy off of some entrepreneurial scheme or in loans and grants up to your eyeballs), or if you were dependent but your parents were domiciled in the state. UGH. Now, for those of you not familiar with "domiciled", it is an actual legal term. Essentially, there are many factors taken into account, but for the most part it points to the place you actually live most of the time and does NOT apply to any place you happen to own property. To be clear, my parents do own one piece of property in this state - my apartment. It's a lovely mortgage that I inherit upon completion of law school. Long story short, because I don't clearly fit in either of those boxes delineated by the school, I get the joyous opportunity to continue paying more than most of my classmates for the rest of law school. FML.

Don't get me wrong, I completely understand the need to make such delineations legally, administratively and economically. I know that some people have to be charged more for graduate schools that offer these sorts of programs in order for the school to survive. It doesn't mean I have to like it. Really, it doesn't meant that anyone has to actively like it. It's kind of like taxes. We know they're necessary for governments to make money to pay off debts and fund infrastructural improvements and whatnot, but it doesn't mean that we have to LIKE seeing a large chunk of our paycheck disappear.

I'm also not sure what the answer is. I know most of the EU and other countries in general have adopted the method of paying higher taxes, while offering much lower cost public educational institutions, BUT I also know that it might cause Civil War II if the US tried that method. That is, in spite of the fact that the US has one of the most costly higher education systems in the world, and in spite of the fact that hundreds upon hundreds upon thousands of people complain about it and/or can't afford it. So, I guess this is just me complaining then. I enjoy the EU model of less costly public higher education, but I'm also cognizant of the fact that it won't fly.

For now, I just consider myself deeply in debt to my parents. To the tune of more money than I'd like to think about, likely for the rest of my life. Needless to say, if they ever need to be put in a home, they'll be going to the Ritz of retirement homes. That is, assuming I get a job.

The coolest dog ever.

He is.....the most interesting dog in the world

Professional Responsibility

Yep, this is an actual class. Believe it or not. I mean, given the reputation most attorneys have in most circles (insert ALL of the lawyer jokes here), it's probably a good thing. But, then again, WHY MUST THIS CLASS be at 8:30 AM?!?! Seriously, most law firms start work at 9 AM. So, shouldn't class start then too? It is "professional school" after all, so, shouldn't the expectations logically fall in line with what happens in our profession? You'd think. But I digress.

Aside from the fact that this class teaches us what is "officially ethical" or something along those lines, over the course of this class, we inevitably learn that not everyone agrees on what is ethical. However, there are some basics:
  1. Get everything in writing
  2. Don't trust the confidentiality of email
  3. Confidentiality is somewhat of a fluid concept
  4. Don't start a lawyer-client relationship before you explicitly mean to
  5. If what's going on makes you feel like you should take a shower/bathe in purell to remove the skeezy-ness from your person, it's probably not ethical
  6. Gifts ≠ payment of fees
  7. You cannot charge a client that you are sleeping with (violation #1) for the time you were engaged in non-legal activities with them (violation #2)
  8. If you think it's possible that there is any ambiguity at the end of a contract negotiation/mediation, there is
  9. If you think something is unclear, it is
  10. Don't lie. The Bar doesn't like that. Neither will anyone else.
  11. If what your client is suggesting makes your skin crawl, it's more than likely not ethical.
  12. If you're a lawyer who happens to sell drugs to small children, you will not only get in trouble with the law (duh!) but also with the Bar. (They're not fond of people who blatantly violate the law)
  13. The Bar does not like people who defraud others
Most of this is common sense, right? Particularly after the first year of law school. At least you'd think that, but NO, apparently we need a whole class to cover these issues in detail.

Sitting through these two hours makes me feel like this cat.

  Particularly when I forget to bring coffee/have other things to do.

Upsides and Downsides

I think we can all pretty much agree that 3 and 4 day weekends are pretty much the best things ever invented. But why oh why do they always make the proceeding week seem twice as long? You wake up on the day following such a long weekend feeling refreshed, recharged, and ready to take on the week. That is, until you leave the house, then the full weight of the fact that you have officially given up your free time for the week hits you like a load of bricks. Because, as we all know, once you're past undergrad, the work just piles up over that extra day(s) off. Though, we do all reach that point where we go "Fuck it. Whatever gets done is what gets done."

That's about where I'm at. Which is sad, because it's only 8:58 AM, and it's my first day back. Granted, I got productive things done, AND had fun this weekend. And had some minor insomnia as a result of said fun times completely throwing my sleep schedule, but that is neither here nor there. Another sad thing: I bought all of this stuff to construct healthy, filling breakfasts for the week and week to come, and then woke up 45 minutes later than I intended (as per usual). So, I just ate a so-called protein granola bar (who cares about the truth behind that statement, it has peanut butter and dark chocolate) in class. And cried a little on the inside. I also had to pay for parking. Because the garage in my building was being reprogrammed this morning, but only from 6 AM to 1PM. If you miss that window, they charge you $45 to come downstairs and press a button for approximately 35 seconds. Really? Long story short, I forgot until the last minute that this particular event was occurring this morning, so I ended up driving to my 8:30 class (those of you who know how close I live to the law school know how pathetic and lazy this is), considering that I got my remote reprogrammed at 8:27 AM.

Upside to that: I wasn't the only one late. At least two people showed up later than me. This makes me feel better about my on-time abilities....or lack there of.

So, here's to another week. I leave you with this Wallaby who thinks he's a cat.

Sunday, January 20, 2013

Insert Evil Laugh Here

We all have that one friend who is, shall we say, larger than life (read: mildly delusional), but for the most part these people tend to contain their crazy relatively well and end up being rather innocuous. Not so with one of my classmates. I'm going to call her Cinderella, mostly because that's how she appears to view her own life/love life. Cinderella, some friends of mine and I all took a class together this summer. At first, we got conned into feeling a little bad for her, because she seemed sweet, and personable, and kind of lonely. That's how they get you. You get sucked in by pity and basic human decency, and then woe unto you. The succubus hiding just under the surface reared its ugly, demonic head. We have since watched her actively, and vindictively, torch every close friendship she had on this geographic side of the tectonic plate. Not only that, but she has gotten engaged to a guy, whom I'll call Charming (as she does, no joke), after spending less than a month in the same country as him. Mildly ridiculous? Even ludicrous, you say? I agree wholeheartedly. But a pox upon you if you try to explain the extreme and rather egregious gap in logic to Cinderella. People have gotten themselves axed from her bridal party for that. To top everything off, she has a wedding site, which I understand is a thing nowadays, in the age of the internets. However, she clearly wrote the whole thing. She should not have done that. It's already on the verge of going viral through our law school class in a non-complimentary way, and got itself submitted to reddit (my guess is on the WTF sub-reddit).

To hear her tell the story of hers and Charming's first meeting, it was all rainbows, glitter, butterflies and a hallelujah chorus signifying love at first sight. NOT ACCURATE. Also, that doesn't happen outside of Disney princess movies. Anyone who knows people or is in a functional relationship knows that. But, god, it is fun watching this train-wreck happen in very slow motion. At first I really did feel bad for her. I thought someone should help her, guide her, offer advice maybe. It's gone past the ridiculous though. Way past. Also, it's gone into a galaxy beyond that of logic (obviously, in Star Trek, she would not be Vulcan) give. It's just fucking funny at this point.

Friday, January 18, 2013

Experiences Unsought

This morning was rife with new experiences. One was dressing like a full fledged adult by 6:30 AM. Another was getting lost in the county that lies an hour north of where I live. Then I got to go to the jail, and get microfiche copies of court documents from a superior courthouse. All new experiences.

Let me tell you, I was never particularly looking to figure out microfiche, nor did I have a clear understanding of what exactly microfiche was. Whenever it was brought up in library tours, I always always always assumed that it was this dusty, antiquated, old-timey film-like object that basically required a gigantic projector to see clearly. I was also under (for some unknown reason) the impression that it was only used for newspapers. All of these things turned out to be more or less false. Turns out it IS a film like reel, and they do use a sort of projector thing....except it's more like a giant magnifying glass. Though, i'll tell you, the thing that "plays" microfiche requires precise control of a tiny knob. Thank god there is an occupation known as "microfiche technician" or I'd have been there all day trying to find the 18 stupid pages I needed.

Anyway, that's the saga of the microfiche. I also discovered that if absolute need be, I can walk on icy sidewalks in 4 inch heels without falling on my ass. That was a hugely useful discovery.

And then cider, chili, pommes frites, and class. Thank god it's Friday though. The best term I've found to describe 2L year to those not going through it is: harrowing. People tend to stop asking questions after that.

Fun Fact:
Law students, you too can go caffeine free without murdering people due to caffeine withdrawal! All you need is a shit ton of yerba mate tea. It even comes in chai flavor, and is delicious with a splash of vanilla coconut milk! It has at least (if not more) caffeine than a cup of coffee or a shot of espresso, with none of the sweaty, heart-racing side effects. Yaaaaayyyyy tasty things!

And now, to get a glass of whiskey in my belly and allow my brain to commence its normal shut down sequence for Friday nights. Cheers!

Thursday, January 17, 2013


We all need them every now and then. Usually it's just looking into the slightly red eyes of a heavily-caffeinated, sleep-deprived classmate, sometimes it's looking at your clinic client's rap sheet. Either way, every now and then you get a swift kick in the pants and suddenly realize that, hey, maybe you can do this whole juris doctorate thing. You may still be mildly mentally ill for wanting to do so, but by god, you will finish what you started. So there? Anyway, I had one of those moments. It was beautiful and unicorns farted sparkles and pooped rainbows, and grumpy cat smiled. The end.

Oh, and for the record, pretending to be an adult by wearing glasses and dressing all adult-y totally works.

It'll be ok.

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Things to Cross Off the List

I can never be a bouncer. I cannot seem to determine ages from dates of birth. Worst bouncer ever. Though, I make people younger, so....I guess err on the side of caution?

Godddddddddddddddd WHY

Why do people (mostly 1Ls) feel compelled to be so high strung about law school? Seriously, was I not stressed out enough BEFORE you opened your gob? Yep, we're using "gob" now because I'm not sure with the way this particular individual was talking that her pie hole qualifies as a mouth. You're already talking about where you want to end up long term. Guess what, sunshine! You don't have a damned bit of control over that, unless you're a-ok being super unemployed and potentially unemployable for a while. At least in your chosen field. If you're in an area where there are few law schools (there for less competition, genius), NEVER specify incredibly early on that you want to end up in an area that has one of the highest concentrations of law schools in the entire country (oh, hey, NYC, LA, Chicago, and Boston!), because, surprise surprise, those jobs aren't super easy to get. If you're not at a top 10 school and/or in the top 5% of your class, you most likely have an astonishingly steep uphill battle ahead of you. I salute you, friends, but stressing yourself, your mentor, and everyone around you out about your inane and possibly nonsensical fears does no one any favors. I frequently wonder if a hard slap across the face wouldn't snap people back to reality.

The best lesson I ever learned from teaching yoga was this: everything will happen exactly as it should. In other words, have a little faith.

More People I Hate

Or, to put it more eloquently, have extreme animosity towards.

Like this guy in my class. He's in a tree hugger class. Because, let's be honest, I'm a little bit of a tree hugger (and proud of it). It is Natural Resources Law. Now, this being a liberal little slice of the country and this being a liberal speck on the face of law school, what in gods name is an outspoken republican doing in this class? Not to mention, he doesn't appear to listen very well. He asks these redundant questions that suggest that he spaced out for the first half of the lecture. Which, honestly, is disheartening. It is one of the better classes I've taken in law school (the fact that you don't get to choose at all for the first year aside), and the professor is on point, inspiring, and knowledgeable. Why you would voluntarily sign up late for this class, which admittedly is no cake walk, and proceed to be so flippant about it boggles my mind. Granted, he hasn't made any outrightly offensive comments yet, so, y'know, that's still coming down the pipeline. It's an inevitability, really.

Ugh. People are the worst.

Careers to Fall Back On

Something I've learned rather repeatedly throughout law school is that (1) it is not at all unusual to think about/map out alternate careers and (2) it's ok to frequently feel like you're failing.

In light of those two revelations, I've decided to spend the remainder of this class (other than the portion dedicated to reading a federal register posting) coming up with a list of potential alternate careers for myself.

  1. Fashion oracle. Apparently I have a knack for predicting things that will eventually become trends. This is something I don't do on purpose. Case in point: while at home over the holidays, I discovered my dad's old letterman jacket from high school and started wearing it. Apparently an up and coming trend for 2013, according to, well, to be honest, my mother. Who claims to have read it in Glamour. Is vintage varsity jackets. So there?
  2. Blogger. HAHAHAHA. Just kidding, I clearly do that already for free. So either I'm losing tons of money here, or this is not a profitable enterprise.
  3. Yoga instructor. This was a previous occupation of mine. So that part isn't a stretch.
  4. Life coach. Because, oh honey, you need to get your shit together. (How I Met Your Mother reference FTW!)
  5. Start a support group for people with severe nonallergic chronic rhinitis. Boom. 
  6. Start a combination bakery/brewery. Somehow I have a sneaking feeling that drunk people will be all over pretzel bread. Now, if only I could actually bake bread....that wasn't banana.
  7. Personal statement essay editor for overzealous high school seniors. Because if it doesn't entertain me, you're probably not impressing the people that are in control of whether or not you get admitted to college.
  8. Travel blogger/writer. Because who DOESN'T want to get paid to galavant around the globe and write things and get paid for it?
  9. Professional student. God, that sounds like a death sentence. 
That's all I've got. Most of those are terrible. I'm so screwed. 


Modern medicine has not improved my state of affairs quite so much as I had hoped. And my computer charger being temperamental is not making things any better. My throat is so ungodly swollen/irritated. I swear to god, if I go to student health, which for the record is always the worst of all the things, and they swab me for strep, I will likely murder the non-doctor who does so. Also, I blame the drug acetamenophine (yeah, I know, the spelling is not good on that) almost entirely for my lack of recovery so far. Basically, this drug fucks rather severely with your liver (as if law school didn't do that enough to my liver as things stand already). You're not supposed to take it with alcohol - though, let's be honest, I can barely swallow things already, let alone things that burn even slightly - and you're not supposed to take it with other drugs that contain acetomenaphine (yep, trying all the spellings). The downside to this is that ALL of the cold/flu/sinus drugs contain acetamenophine. When you can't breathe to the point that neti pots actually are painful to attempt and result in writhing in pain/uncontrollable coughing that hurts like hell, your only OTC choice is (a) steam baths for your nose, (b) excessive/possibly abusive use of kleenex, and (c) tons of cold/flu/sinus drugs. I'm currently trying some weird combo of all three.

This probably means that I need to suck it up tomorrow and go to student health. On the upside: no feverish delirium! So, win?

Ugh, back to PR and breakfast and wanting to cry from lack of sleep due to lack of breathing.

Because I'm a Huge Nerd

This, last night, was both spot on and hilarious. Thank you, Jon Stewart, for solving the mystery of Clarence Thomas' (the Supreme Court Justice, for those of you less law-nerdy than I am) seven year silence: Preserving his sultry bari-tones (hey-o!...I'm bad at puns.).

The Daily Show with Jon StewartMon - Thurs 11p / 10c
The Silence of the Clarence
Daily Show Full EpisodesPolitical Humor & Satire BlogThe Daily Show on Facebook

And just in case technology hates me (as per usual), the link to the video is here. (Thank all that is holy that the Daily Show posts so many videos online immediately.)

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Doing Home Remedies Right

I now possess all of the cold/flu/sinus remedies known to man. I will not be mixing them in an irresponsible fashion.

There is also a large bottle of gatorade and four boxes of herbal tea remedies.

Boom. Health.

The Problem with...

Law School is that I seem to get sick at all the worst times. Case in point: this weekend. I remain convinced that I definitely had a high grade fever, given that I couldn't control my body temperature, felt like I was going to pass out, and joints that I didn't know I had hurt like they were going to explode. However, I'm not certain about that whole fever-having thing, since I didn't make it far enough from the bed to actually use a thermometer. Fear not! I have returned from the near-grave world I was previously inhabiting, with the aid of modern medicine and a wonderful drug called ibuprofuen. Thank god penicillin got discovered. Otherwise natural selection would have killed me off long ago. LONG AGO. No joke. It's been trying for 24 years and several months.

Anyway, the point about illness is that, while there is never a particularly good time to be sick, some times are far worse than others. Particularly when your schedule looks like mine. Now, those of us destined for pseudo-sadistic existences in high stress positions (ha! phrasing.) know that sickness is what happens when you relax for a moment. Or when you ignore that beautiful little cold baby that you have lovingly cared (read: medicated and attempted to ignore the existence of) for as long as humanly possible before it blossomed into a full-grown, shiny, mucus-y near-death experience of a monster.

On the upside, at least, I think my mom (who felt bad for me) bought me a scarf (because in mom-speak, you get sick from wearing too few layers, GOT IT!???!) and I apparently actually have friends. They even offered to bring me things. Just goes to show you, sometimes being able to be a helpless blob of mucus-filled, feverish grossness for three days straight can bring lovely realizations, like: thank god I have friends. To be clear, they fall under the "bridesmaids" category of female relationships. For a complete breakdown of said female relationships, see thought catalog. I can personally attest to having a frenemy (no hints on who it is), having had multiple temp friends, some of my instafriends have morphed into bridesmaids. The defining characteristic of forgettable sue is that she is forgettable, thus: I don't know if I have one. OH! And a nemesis.....all of my friends and I are kind of slackers (maybe just in our own heads, since we all control shit and are on boards with responsibilities and power and shit), so I don't think I have one of those. I can, however, proudly say that people seem to think I am much smarter than I actually am. Got you suckers fooled! Or, to use a much more archaic term, I fleeced y'all!

Now, for realsies I need actual food and decongestants. Mostly decongestants. And DayQuil. And Mucinex. So, yay for grabbing dinner on the fly and buying all of the drugs (by which I mean OTC cold&flu meds).

Friday, January 11, 2013

Adding to The List

Since it is no secret by now that I (and most other humans) get passing (totally hyperbolistic) homicidal fancies when people do profoundly irritating things.

People in libraries are often the best examples of these things.

New person on my list:

Guy in library who not only leaves his phone at FULL VOLUME (seriously, it rang and echoed), has a lame ringtone, but also lets it ring and then fucking answers it! What is wrong with you?!?! I hate him and everything he stands for.


This is in here because I'm a huge nerd and this is wonderful and you should all watch this and every season and read all of the books immediately. You're welcome.

Simple Pleasures

Most of law school is one giant slog through long hours of classes and work and job searching and resume polishing and ego stroking (you need this after all of the potential and often actual rejections that I went into detail on in a previous post), but every now and then you have to step back and allow yourself the luxury of soaking in the joy of a small moment. Like this morning. I had a workshop/boot camp for the Journal I'm on (don't feel slighted if you're not on's a shit ton of work, and this particular one was to cover things we were repeatedly screwing up). Now, that in and of itself isn't so bad - that is, until you figure out why the workshop was happening. Apparently all of us newbies had repeatedly screwed up bluebook citations in the articles we edited, so we were to spend two hours re-learning the rules we had failed to learn sufficiently in the first place. Joy. To top that off, it was at 8:30 in the morning. Something I have learned about myself: I absolutely despise being awake before the freaking sun has risen. That's not always a minor handicap to have when you live in a geographic location that the sun is not always present in. Today, however, turns out to be one of those rare occurrences when the giant, shiny, eye-injuring orb in the sky decided to peek its face through the usually present cloud cover, and thank god for that. Why, you may ask. Oh, just because I slept through 3 alarms and woke up approximately half an hour before I was supposed to leave my house for this lovely workshop. So, after showing up about 10 minutes late, thoroughly and irreversibly hating everyone I encountered and everything they stood for, realizing that about half of my citations were problematic in one way or another, and coming to grips with the fact that when a fair number of your meals come for free from other people it is basically impossible to eat gluten free (I know, hippie/hipster nonsense), I was released into the near-empty law school. My fellow journal members and I proceeded to bitch and moan about law school, life, classes, our notes/comments, and various other things (law students are basically professionals at bitching and moaning), and then I went to the cafe for a hot beverage.

Now, I don't know if the girl working there was deaf or just had some horrible loss of her voice, but she was one of the sweetest individuals I'd encountered all morning. And, to top it all off, when handing over the life-giving, spirit-lifting miracle beverage that is mint tea (I say this with zero sarcasm. Seriously, get your self a mug of it IMMEDIATELY.), she stopped me, and typed out (in one of the most impressive displays of text messaging prowess I've ever seen) "I'm sure u get this all the time but u have incredible eyes." Day = made. Particularly since it's the first time in almost 3 days where I haven't looked like utter and complete shit. I kid you not, I went running after my morning class on Wednesday and didn't have time to change or I wore no makeup, had a gross ponytail and wore sweaty, gross running gear all day. Yesterday I spent the whole day in sweats because I had no class and a cabinet getting installed. Such a small gesture that took her all of 5 seconds (quickest typing I've ever seen) instantly made me feel that today is manageable. That my article will get done (eventually), and that even if I don't get all the jobs I want (and this is incredibly shallow and superficial), at least I have awesome eyes. So, thank you, barista, you made law school (if even for a moment) less detestable.

Happy Friday, all!

Wednesday, January 9, 2013


"Finding Aids"....or rather "FINDING AIDS" is an actual link on a website......there has to be a better way to say that. There just has to be.

The WORST Type of People

Those who hurriedly copy all of the text of slides that are all posted online. The panicked typing really gets to me. Man, I should invest in some earplugs to avoid mass murder.

Weirdly accurate pictures/gifs

I couldn't make this show up as a gif. Fail.

Evidently I can't make these show up. Technology hates me.


Also true about 2L year.

 How I feel about most forms of public transportation

Do you feel the love? You should.

Also, apologies for being technology challenged. I do this all myself....and I got no skills to pay the bills. That sounded weirdly like I'm bad at prostitution. NOT WHAT I MEANT. Phrasing.

Potentially Profound Thoughts

(Though, I ask you to humbly excuse my politics. It's fine if you disagree, and I may not be 100% informed on all the things. I'm not trying to start an opinion war, and it's totally cool if you have strong feelings....I just ask you to accept my opinion for what it is: the opinion of a single person - not fact, not the beginning of an argument. Thanks.)

1. I'm not against guns per se. There are just a lot of idiots in the world.

2. So many things in life can be related to Talladega Nights, Anchorman, Mean Girls, and Bridesmaids. But that's just my life.

3. Pretending to be an adult requires you to have a checkbook.

4. People failing to read things will be the downfall of civilization as we know it - not good 'ole maryjane, not gay marriage - lack of reading.

5. Most of American "news" could now more properly be categorized as propaganda, and if Animal Farm taught us nothing else, we should have learned that propaganda is a job for a pig. Hear that, Fox News? In the words of the French, "Cochon!"

6. I cannot remember what the point of this post was.

7. As much as I hate to admit it, lack of exercise is a self-destructive cycle.

8. Food is all the delicious things. Diet is learning how to control your intake of all the delicious things.

9. Counting yourself as an adult means some measure of controlling your finances.

10. Sleep is the best.

11. Living in a place where it rains all the time makes you stop caring whether or not the clothing you're wearing is waterproof. (Pro tip: waterproofing leather/suede does nothing when you're constantly walking in the rain.)

12. Shockingly, even for lawyers, honesty is the best policy. Caveat: not always the case in relationships (though, don't take my word for that...I only have marginally-functional ones).

13. tumblr blogs are going to take over the world. Along with cat pictures.

That's all I've got. I'm pretty sure that none of that was actually profound. Damn.

Pretending to be an Adult

It's not a thing that most of us do well. People tell me that there is a phenomenon known as delayed adolescence that is particularly prevalent in my generation - that of the internets and cat pictures. I do not dispute this fact, but I do dispute that other generations were actual adults earlier in life. Sure, during the depression, they were forced to take on adult responsibilities earlier, and post WWII that convention continued to persist. Here we've come to some sort of impasse between reality and expectation. Most people of Generation x and generation "net", as they're calling us, equate true adulthood with having a family and owning some sort of property. This particular ideal isn't well correlated with the reality of options available to us in our early-mid twenties. Most of us are still looking for stable jobs with benefits at that point...or are fighting for the ability to afford a house without getting swallowed by debt....mostly due to outrageous, sky-high student loans. I'm not sure what exactly the purpose of this rant was, but I think it has something to do with the fact that I'm an abhorrent example of an adult. Sure, I do adult-y things (e.g. going for after work drinks, living on my own, having semi-functional relationships, paying attention to politics, caring about healthcare, working with real people with real problems, etc.); however, I don't think that makes me a great example of what is an adult. I continue to do profoundly stupid things - see: going to a comedy show rather than reading for my ethics class - and to test the age old definition of insanity (that is, continuing to do the same thing while expecting a different result).

OH WELL. Man, that got dark and kind of serious there for a minute. So here's the extent of my latest form of masochism, as I am wont to commit on a regular basis. First, I'm taking a full class load and am expected to take care of all of that, pass the tribal bar exam (yes, they have their own bar exams), represent clients, have a life, get a real job that pays some form of compensation, and finish a journal article, oh, and be a participatory member of the clubs I'm on the board of. Masochism? Yes, at its finest. Mind you, I'm not complaining, because, let's be honest, my inability to get things done in no way removes the ever-present reality that other people have tons of things to do and get them done like real people. I'm more just trying to illustrate the sheer extent of my own masochism for you, so that you understand. Apparently all of that wasn't enough for me. So I added a class at the last moment. DUMB DUMB DUMB. I now have 11 hours straight of class on Wednesdays. It's real dumb. (Note: this whole "dumb" thing is a reference to a movie - Talladega Nights. Watch it.) So, not only am I in class and completely unable to pay attention at 8:30 AM, but I have class until 7:30 PM. Le sigh.


The way I figure it, I can still pretend to be an adult. I'm good at pretending. That's half of being in law school/being a litigator, right? Fake it 'til you make it.

Fun lesson from the entirety of "professional responsibility" that I  have actually taken in as of yet: a lawyer can trigger ethical duties and liability without forming a lawyer-client relationship. Basically: don't dole out legal advice free of charge, moron! Get it? Got it? Good.

Also, your subjective belief about whether or not you've taken on a client doesn't matter at all. So, make it EXPLICIT. Honestly, most of this reminds me of what we used to tell the newbies in undergraduate mock trial: treat the "jury" or whosoever you are talking to as if they were a hyperactive five year old. Everything must be explicitly clear. Also, things in writing are good. ALWAYS GET IT IN WRITING.

There you have it: (1) people = hyperactive five year olds, and (2) Always get it in writing.

God damn it. I need to pay more attention. I just answered a question without hearing the question. Surprise, surprise, I was dead wrong. GAH. Again, failure at adulthood.

NOTE: Don't worry, future clients! The Rules of Professional Conduct which govern the way lawyers lawyer are largely intuitive. This was a specific rule regarding defending insurers/insured. Also rest assured that I have zero interest in representing insurance claims. I will leave that to those who are deeply interested in the minutiae of that subject matter. They will, no doubt, far surpass what I would be capable of.

So, that was reassuring, right? Good. It should be.

Monday, January 7, 2013

I Am...

The opposite of all things productive. Seriously. I've been sitting in the office for basically two hours at this point and have read ONE page of my ethics reading. I have also browsed a bunch of tumblrs, added a class, perused my still incomplete grade report, bemoaned my existence, chatted with friends, and discovered that we still aren't entirely sure when Arrested Development is set to premiere. All while listening to music. GAH. This does not bode well for the rest of this quarter. Damn. And I had such high hopes for me.

Momentary Musing

Because I'm clearly paying so much attention: it can't be a good sign when you start planning your next vacation before classes start. I have done this thing. Le sigh.

Coming Back from Beyond

And now we're back...from outer space....(AKA California and holidays). NYE was, in good young adult form, shenanigans. Though, this year, as a year older and supposedly wiser, it was markedly less sloppy than in the past. Which really isn't saying much for me. Seriously. I accidentally acquired a camera that wasn't mine to begin with a few years ago. So, that. Anyway, post-celebrations, I immediately proceeded to get sick, and still sort of sound like a cacophony of sniffles and squeaks. My voice occasionally cracks like a teenage boy going through some pretty severe puberty. It's super attractive. Sultry, you might say. Anyway, in the continuing saga of betrayals that is my own body's relationship with me, I got better just in time to make it to my horrible 8:30 AM ethics class. Gross.

So now here I am. Acting as some bizarre sort of energy succubus by trying to feed off of my professor's high energy style while simultaneously trying to shock my brain into awake-ness through the use of caffeine. It's a two hour class twice a week on ETHICS. Let's review this: (1) common knowledge tells us that lawyers are generally regarded as some of the least ethical people on the planet, (2) we have to take an ethics exam to pass the bar exam, (3) you can take the ethics portion without taking this stupid class, but you can't graduate without it. How much of that makes sense to you? None of it? Good. We're on the same page then. I find it akin to ripping off a band-aid. Best to just get it over with. At least the professor is super energetic. HOLY FUCK. My professor graduated from my law school the YEAR AFTER I WAS BORN. I'm not sure if that should make me feel unsettlingly young, or if it should make him feel old. I wouldn't have pegged him for that old, so props to him, I guess?

I guess here we go again? Back to the grind of school and work and all the things. To recap my current situation: I'm still jobless for the summer, have yet to schedule my ethics and tribal bar exams, have to sort out tuition, need to pay bills, am still out of shape and sort of trying to fix that aside from the lingering illness in my lungs, and am still severely unmotivated (as are all my friends).

Here's to the start of another quarter, friends and comrades! And here's to drinks at 5:30! Cheers. (What? You have to reward yourself for getting through day 1 in some fashion.)