Why God Whyyyyy?

Here we are. It's about an hour now since I finished my only actual exam this quarter, seven hours since I woke up, ten hours since I went to bed. And I have an hour until I have to be in the clinic office, two hours until my client meeting, three hours until we moot oral arguments. 

Full system report: 

I had a bagel with cream cheese from the cafeteria when I realized I had ten minutes before my exam. I'm working on only coffee number two of the day. I forgot to get Claritin D to combat my sinuses continual adverse reaction to any minor change in weather. Barely had time to shower. 

Word to the wise - when you have a day like this, just avoid mirrors at all costs. I made the mistake of looking in one. Just momentarily. While washing my hands. It was more of a glance than a look. But my god. No way I'm looking in the mirror again today until after I shower, right before I crawl into bed, beneath a giant fuzzy blanket to temporarily silence the shrieking of the stress goblins in my brain.

Well, I have just successfully wasted almost 20 minutes writing this...because that's how slow my brain is moving. Don't worry, the americano I'm downing like it's the very nectar of the gods is slowly rewiring all of the brain circuitry. Back to the tiny tiny print, and my reading glasses, and my internal cursing of each and every single 1L and 2L for their horrid and unwelcome perkiness. If looks could kill, I tell you.

3L year. Because I Suck at Posting.

So, here it is, heading into the first round of finals for my 3L year. I know I've been out of touch, and for that I must apologize. Clinic took over my life, along with the general apathy and restlessness that the rest of the world knows as senioritis.

We're on day 2 of studying lockdown, and hour the third of actual studying. To be fair, I wasn't just screwing around before then, as you might expect. I found out yesterday that one of my clinic cases has a pleading due in four days....during my Criminal Procedure exam. So, I set to work. The past 48 hours have been a surreal, sleep deprived, stomach-clenchingly stressed out blur. I started writing a motion at noon yesterday. My partner and I had 15 pages by midnight. We spent all of today formatting, cleaning up citations. That is, until we discovered that we weren't entitled to the 12 pages we had the first go-round. Oh, no no. We had to get our justifications for why our motion shouldn't be straight up dismissed out in FIVE pages. Seriously, who the fuck can make any kind of persuasive and valid legal argument in five pages, when the first page is all but useless and you have six sections that are REQUIRED to be in the motion.

WHAT THE HELL ARE OUR COURTS THINKING?!?!? I get that no one wants to read 36 pages of pleadings plus the evidentiary support. No one gets that more than I do. I have previously failed to complete 11 page reading assignments, I truly empathize with your desire to do no more reading than is strictly necessary, but do you really want to read five pages that essentially regurgitate the same argument because there's no space for a new one? Yeah. Didn't think so.

Utter idiocy. Not to mention that I'm rapidly becoming disillusioned with the idea that lawyers working for the government actually do research. I mean, seriously, if you're gonna say an administrative rule is final, you had sure as hell fact check. No one who is an established attorney, and I mean NO ONE, wants to have some unpaid legal interns pointing out to the fucking court that they're just factually incorrect on a number of points. Especially when it says right out in the open, on the administration's website, that no final rule has been made. Get yo' facts straight.


Anyway, enough of that rant, and on to the next.

Our law school is a fairly new building. From the outside, and from all of the publicly accessible areas, it appears to be quite lush and modern. This, folks, is naught but visual trickery. A lot of the stuff was poorly thought out. One full side of the building, for example, is composed of GLASS. Great for when it is sunny outside, but cold; TERRIBLE FOR EVERY SINGLE OTHER TYPE OF WEATHER. It also makes interior temperature control a bitch.

And then we come to their most recent changes. They took away the (teeny tiny) offices of nearly every student organization, citing the need for additional faculty offices. There are next to no windows in the clinical law program office. AND they created this weird glass fishbowl space on the lower level of our bizarrely echo-y library to give students a space to congregate BECAUSE WE DON'T HAVE ANY OTHER SPACES. I don't know about you, but I'd love to have a functional space over a pretty space every time. Clearly the dream is to have a space that is both functional and pretty, but here they've sacrificed one in favor of the other. I don't get what they were thinking, nor do I wish to speculate as to why they've made the choices they have. All I know is that we have to live with those choices. I mean, I get that they wanted the library to look modern and bright. Totally get that. Love bright, modern spaces. The problem is that putting thin berber carpet on top of concrete in a large space with a lot of glass and metal means that EVERY SOUND ECHOES because there is no insulation. That, friends, is how to best describe the noise situation in our library.

To be fair, I'm only noticing this now because the noisiest woman in the history of the universe is sitting at the table I'm attempting to study at. Seriously. Dry coughing like every 5 minutes (lozenge....she should get one), and then giggling to herself for NO REASON. Oh, and every time she either decides to study something else or just needs a break she goes into EVERY BAG SHE BROUGHT WITH HER and makes an ungodly amount of noise in the process before scampering off to do whatever it is that extremely noisy people do.

All of this may be symptomatic of the sheer number of hours I've spent in this stupid building with all of these stressed out (yet also inconsiderate) people over the last three to four months. Then again, it could be my naturally curmudgeonly nature eeking through. Either way, that girl should either invest in some tea with honey, a lozenge, or die a fiery death.

Le sigh. Time to get back to crim pro. The stress knot in my stomach and the muddled atmosphere of my brain call me back to it. Trust me, there will be more stress posts in my near future - I have an obscene number of rants saved up.

OHMYGOD WHY IS EVERYONE COUGHING?!?!?!?!? I"M JUST GOING TO BRING A VAT OF TEA WITH HONEY AND DISTRIBUTE IT TO ALL OF YOU HACKING DISEASE BASKETS.

Run, baby, run

So, I definitely started a beginning of the year post, which I then proceeded to just never finish. My bad. I did also proceed to take a vacation the first weekend back, and then immediately get sick, so there's that too. I still have no idea why law school seems to do that to me.

Anyway, the third year is off to an inauspicious start. There were 4 classes, now there are 3, since my clinic this year is rather more time intensive than my one last year. ACTUAL CLIENTS THAT I HAVE TO MEET WITH, PEOPLE. Talk about social challenges. It is rather a different feeling to have to meet with clients in a clinical law program space that has no windows and feels somewhat more like an interrogation room than a nice "getting to know you" counseling space. Particularly when the clients you're meeting with are predominately young people who have already faced many challenges in their lives. It's also strange to suddenly be put in the place of a real person from whom someone is seeking advice. I mean, I know that theoretically we're supposed to be just about ready to be actual attorneys by now and that meeting with clients is something I should already be used to doing, but it is always always a bizarre feeling. The fact that both my clinic partner and I were sick on the first client meeting didn't help, I'm sure. I stuck with my usual solution: ALL THE CAFFEINE and ADVIL IN THE WORLD. It worked for a couple hours, but utterly tanked my ability to do anything all weekend.

This whole stupid fall transition isn't helping either. The weather is weird, and my immune system is clearly rebelling against the weird weather.

Enough (as the Brits put it) whinging. Words of wisdom: part of making it through law school is learning your limits and accepting those limitations. It has taken me an absurdly long time to learn that. And I'm still not good at it, but it's a huge thing to find that you CANNOT do everything. Even when that means disappointing someone. So far, this has allowed me to sleep hours like a normal person, do a little bit of yoga in the morning (even occasionally meditate!) and eat real people foods (as opposed to just coffee and a handful of almonds on the way out the door)! All good things. AND I even take vitamins now. Lord knows it hasn't helped me from getting sick, but I wasn't down for the count for a month, so improvement?

A Word on Studying In Public

You get to hear people say all sorts of profoundly stupid things. Here's a small sampling of what I've heard in the last four minutes:

"Are they dixie cups or pixie cups? I get those mixed up." (Note: there is NO SUCH THING as a "pixie cup")

"So, we don't actually have a water cooler at work, we have this room." (Note: it's called a lunch room. It's common to basically every office environment since ever. Water coolers are not really a "thing" anymore.)

"Can you have wine?" (Asked of a girl who is presumably gluten intolerant. Note: there's no form of wheat and therefore no gluten in wine)


HOW ARE THESE PEOPLE EMPLOYED?????????

Crunch Time

We've reached the point in time during finals week wherein my brain is half dead, I'm 98% sustained by various forms of caffeine, I haven't been home in almost 12 hours, and I'm bordering on counting down the minutes to the exam that I don't at all feel prepared for. On top of that there's this lovely phenomenon of writing papers for seminar classes. Which is EVEN better when you don't have explicit instructions for said papers. Seriously, none. I had a panic attack in the middle of writing my conclusion when I realized that my assumption that the paper should be 12 to 15 pages was potentially fallacious. I then contacted all of my classmates that I could reach and got back a tentative response that it wasn't a page count, but a word count. And the word count was way more than I had written. But I also had less than zero of an outline for my exam that is in a little over 18 hours. So, I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't. All of this is in spite of the fact that I actually started all of the things early this quarter. Tell me how that works?!? Seriously, inquiring minds want to know! I start early and am more behind than ever. I'm screwed. So, I'm at the bottom of the hole and I'm just going to keep on digging.

On the upside, I've made friends with my barista and waitress. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or if it says something questionable about the amount of time I spend sedentary in various establishments. Either way, I'm keeping the coffee industry, streaming music companies, and the maker of Post-Its and highlighters employed. Also, Word is the worst program for outlining, and if I had anything else I'd exchange it immediately.

And there ya go - this is what happens when you're sleep deprived, running on mostly caffeine, cramming for an exam and trying to finish two papers all at the same time. Tonight looks like no sleep for me! Sometimes law school makes me hate my life.

Second Thoughts

So that whole "all the caffeine" tactic....might not be the best....part of my brain actually feels like it's vibrating to the beats of the music (that isn't on very loud)....that can't be normal or good. Word to the wise - switch between tea and coffee so as to avoid overloading your system. I didn't follow this sage advice.

Also, dog and/or cat cafes should exist in every city everywhere. Why are they only in Asia?!? Asia has the need for furry companionship on lock. Fix it, America. Fix it.

The Descent

Either into madness, manic-ness, or general hermit-dom. Also known as compressed quarter finals period. It seems oh so far away until suddenly it occurs to you that you have 24 hours until your first exam begins and about 64 hours until your first paper is due. Enter freak-out zone. Sleep becomes a suggestion, caffeine a necessity.  Every muscle from the middle of your spine to the top of your head is tied in innumerable knots, a perpetual headache from staring at a computer screen as you put together outlines and paper, transitioning somewhat haphazardly between them. An alternating soundtrack of your own panic, classical music, John Williams symphonies, Daft Punk and all kinds of lame pop music scores this descent into the bowels of hell that are more affectionately known as law school finals.

Somewhere along the way you begin deeply and profoundly resenting every person that takes up more than half a table (even though you're doing precisely that) and doesn't, for all you know, have a pressing exam that could determine their ability to do their summer job or graduate on time. You then slowly begin rethinking your life choices, craving a small, furry animal to cuddle with, and waxing nostalgic for the first year of law school (no joke, that part is a horrifying realization).

My solution to all of this (insomuch as there is any solution whatsoever) is to drink all the caffeine (but match it with equal amounts of water), suddenly become religious about taking all of the vitamins and dietary supplements, suddenly start more or less living in various coffee shops, stress clean, and (for no apparent reason whatsoever) stop eating meat. This basically means that I live on probably unhealthy amounts of caffeine, a lot of grilled veggie related things, in work out clothes, and with an ever present bottle of advil. I'm not sure if any of this can be qualified as "winning", but it's keeping me from totally losing it, and will hopefully ensure effective condensing and cramming of material into my brain. However, I'm starting to feel like I might go crosseyed from looking at screens and might start floating away based on the sheer volume of liquid I've been consuming. It's truly disconcerting.

That's all I've got for now - my goal is to have more than a page of outline for every hour I've been working on this stupid class. And then I get to work on two papers, and then another outline that I haven't touched yet. Condensed quarter = dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb.

Stupid Traitorous Body

This week marks the last "week" (read: four days) of classes. We then essentially have three days until finals begin. Gross.

To make matters worse, the weather is mirroring my mood, which then wreaks havoc with my stupid overly sensitive sinuses. So, I've had a rocking headache for two days straight. You'd think it'd get better with advil and whatever...it doesn't really. Screw you, weather. And screw you, condensed quarter.

I'm gonna continue running (read: not actually running) around like a chicken with my head cut off. Also, as much as I adore procrastibaking, I'm now unfortunately sick of cooking for people, mostly as a result of needing to then clean up after baking and cooking. UGH.

On Popsicles

Real talk, people, don't fudgesicles look like poops on a stick? They do, right? So, why do they taste SO GOOD??!?! As we enter the season of sunshine and popsicles, these will become ever more present, mostly for chocoholics. I propose a new era! Oreo cookies and cream sicles!!! More appetizing to look at, and just as tasty. Try it instead. Ban poosicles from your field of vision!

Being Sick is The Worst.

So, after my weekend battle with mild food poisoning, I managed to somehow get sick on Monday night. I'm talking the works - fever, chills, aches, complete and utter nausea. No idea what was wrong with me. It took until Tuesday night until the fever to break. I keep forcing myself to eat, despite the fact that it makes me completely nauseated for hours. Which, frankly, is terrible, because all I want is some truffle garlic fries, a really good cheeseburger, and some carrot cake. Honestly, one of the world's most perfect meals. Except the thought of it, at the moment, makes me feel like I'm going to throw up. That could also be the fact that I'm currently eating. My body is not ok with any of this. Fml.

In law school, particularly when the pressure is on, particularly during a compressed quarter, you push yourself to keep going. Unfortunately, the human body doesn't seem to quite understand the push to stay absolutely healthy, not sleep a lot, and get very little exercise for a solid 2.5 months straight. And mine chose now to give up. A mere two weeks from the end of class/start of finals. DUMB. As is always the case, our bodies fail us when it is MOST inconvenient. Not when we have time to laze around and get well, but when we have a ton of things to do and no time to sleep 14 hours a day.

On a separate note: thank god for the advent of delivery food and netflix. I watched a bunch of trashy tv, from the comfort of my bed, and got soup and sprite delivered to me. That part was glorious, until the nausea set in again.

LET THERE BE SLOTHS

I saw a video a little over a week ago that was one of the most terrifying/precious things I've ever seen. It's basically a six minute long video of a sloth hugging a housecat. During the first part, it almost looks like the sloth is near-strangling the cat, and then it gets cute and weird all in one. The sloth starts scratching the cat's head - much to the cat's delight - and then licks its ear. You heard me. The sloth licks the cat's ear. Creepy. But kind of cute. I'll include it below for your enjoyment.

Anyway, that incredibly long lead up is for my friend's birthday! Which shall be celebrated with the unveiling of a BABY SLOTH BEAR! So much winning!

UPDATE: I got potential food poisoning on Thursday night, it continued through all of Friday, spent Saturday recovering rather than seeing the baby sloth bear. It was sad. Upside? I got to eat tons of crawfish on Sunday, and then have a few margaritas with friends to celebrate Cinco de Mayo.

Law Prom!

Every year, literally hundreds of law schools around the country partake in an event known colloquially as "law prom." In reality it is the annual law school gala; an excuse for law students to get dressed up, cut loose and take ridiculous pictures.

Now to fully paint the picture (albeit way way later than I planned on writing this, due to a series of things), you have to understand that it is an absolute headache to find a place that our law school is even allowed to hold events anymore. We got kicked out of the venue an hour and a half early last year and the years prior, going back god knows how long. The reason? Someone got sloppy and literally punched a bartender. Dumb. So dumb. Supposedly we're adults and should be able to handle ourselves with only TWO drink tickets, right? Apparently not. To the relief of everyone involved, that did not happen this year. Was it because it was held several hours earlier and ended at 10 PM? Was it because the venue was upscale? Was it because stairs were involved? Who knows. It may have been the promise of an afterparty, along with the three drink tickets. Again, who knows. There was food, there were drinks (mine were all champagne). The food being quite good helped as well, I'm sure. The venue was actually really cool. Apparently it's a venue where they train and offer job placement to homeless and at-risk men, women, and youths. So, really, not only was it awesome, but they also do awesome social work, completely in keeping with our school's purported mission.

Unfortunately, the venue for the afterparty screwed up big time. Through no fault of the wonderful lady that organized everything, the venue not only decided to cut our reservation by 290 people (yeah, you read that right) without consulting anyone, but also proceeded to allow other people into the reserved section (as in quadruple booked the tables), and to try to turn away the members of our group at the door. It was re.dic.u.lous. The only way I could properly convey all of our frustration was to split up the word that way. 99.99% of us left almost immediately after getting in (FINALLY...it took an hour, if you were near the front of the line). Those that stayed for more than 10 minutes in that god-awfully run place were severely disillusioned by the experience. We all moved on to other places eventually, and were much happier for it.

My friends and I cabbed home (my home), and two of them crashed on my couch (don't worry, one couch pulls out into a comfy twin-sized bed). When we finally roused ourselves the following morning, I only got up to lock the door behind my pals, and then crashed again for like three hours.

My day of only excellent life choices following this late, exhausting, but lovely evening only continued after sleeping in rather late. I got up, drove to get Hawaiian food and a smoothie, and then proceeded to watch a bunch of Doctor Who. All excellent life choices.

Eeep!

I've been a bad blogger. Apparently took a mental vacation, while subjecting my actual person and mental capacities to the ravages of a compressed quarter (which, for the record, is hands down the absolute worst idea anyone in the history of ever has had). I'll attempt to catch you up on things as best I'm able, but don't hate me if I really can't remember all the things - I'm still trying to cram all of Federal Indian Law into my brain, it is the equivalent of taking Fed Courts, but worse. Believe you me, rather than just asking the questions about is it criminal or civil, state or federal, you also have to add in the maze of criminal jurisdiction relating to tribes, and whether or not they're tribes covered by PL 280. For those of you who don't know what all that means, just be grateful.

Anyway, the highlights: law prom, law prom afterparty, my friend taking on immigration court like a BOSS, the glorious return of sunshine, and summer wine on the roof.

Law prom and the afterparty shall be covered in a separate entry (that I swear I started last week, but just never finished because I was trying to be a good student).

The glorious return of sunshine, and the breaking of Spring. Sunshine during this hellish two months is the most distracting thing I've ever encountered. Even worse when it's combined with relatively balmy temperatures that allow for the wearing of dresses and skirts. It's something akin to waving one of those sparkly feathery doodads in front of a kitten, and then expecting them to just sit there silently and learn how to shake paws. That bad. It's been (mostly) glorious outside, and even (dare I say it?) warm at times. Therefore, being stuck indoors (where the internets are) to work on god knows what (because there are literally an innumerable amount of things that I can/should be doing) is something akin to the kind of torture where they leave the lights on so that you can't sleep for days. I don't know what that's called, but that. Oh, which reminds me, the downside to being in the upper latitudes when we edge toward the summer solstice is that the freaking sun shines through the windows by 5:45 AM. Upside, I'm WIDE AWAKE at about 6:45. Downside, I don't always need to be awake that early, and can often use more sleep. It also doesn't get dark outside until almost 8 PM. So, color my circadian rhythms bass-ackwards. (As if they weren't already.) All of this on top of a compressed quarter is that ALL the learning and writing and whatever else is crammed into 8 weeks. EIGHT. That's it. From beginning to end. Terrifying, no? All I have to say is - here goes nothing.

This has lead to, however, a gratuitous use of my building's rooftop deck, limited as it may be. Which is lovely after a LONG day trapped within this cemetery of dreams. What makes it even lovelier is that I get to pass the time amongst company comprised of comrades (see what I did there with that alliteration?). And that my friend introduced me to a glorious Spanish creation whose name (which I'm not even going to try to spell because I'd massacre it) translates loosely to summer wine. The recipe is at the end of this post. Bubbly, light, and refreshing. NOT sangria. (Because the two could conceivably be confused) The hilarious and brilliant woman who brings you this drink (note: NOT ME) is also doing a pretty bad ass interview today and managed to get ICE to stipulate to dismissing her clinic client's case without uttering a single word. Because she's just. that. good. Go ahead and try to tell me you're not impressed. You can't. You just can't. So, fingers crossed for this force to be reckoned with, because if anyone is going to take the law by the horns and wrestle injustices to the ground, it'll be her.

I've also determined that taking an all hippie quarter was both the best and worst idea I've ever had. Despite the fact that I only have one final and that I now know I will have enough credits to graduate early. To which my lovely mother's response was, "Does that mean you'll have time to just travel anywhere in the world for like two weeks?" The answer to that question is always yes, for the record. If you say no to that question you're either (a) a cyborg, (b) have no soul (could go hand in hand with a), or (c) an agoraphobe.

In other semi-relevant news, I'm likely to soon be a member of the Student Bar Association. And I'm in another clinic for next year. Yay? There goes any notion that I was going to see free time again. Womp Womp.

Bits of Sanity, Like So Many Streamers

Go a-floating away in the breeze. I say breeze because the a/c is on and I'm inside. The day began at 6 AM when I went to finish off my reading and send in discussion questions. Because obviously that's what you do at 6 AM (evidently, exercise is for the weak. Contradictory, I know.). However, the problem with doing that is that you're completely burnt out by about 1:30 PM. And then you top that suck salad off with a small helping of "I scheduled my dinner reservations too close to my last class" and you decide that, screw it, you're done for the day.

I have, however, discovered a new source of entertainment and joy. This would be the world of online dating....on behalf of another person. Because people who are no good at writing things obviously need a future lawyer to take over. Particularly one who writes in, as my friend called it, an "anti-grammatical" style. I prefer to think of it as my speech idiosyncrasies oozing over and infecting my writing. You'll all be grateful to know that I scrub my text of all idiosyncrasies when writing actual legal documents, papers, emails, and law review articles. Apparently I'm abusive with the use of parenthesis, commas, and all manner of ellipses. (Oxford comma style!) But, evidently that is also charming to some, so suck on that, grammar!


Aaaaaannnnndddd, then my brain shut down and decided that it's time to be done with things.

On Law School Dating (cont'd)

So, what I failed to mention in my last post, or, rather, failed to fully flesh out for all of y'all is the phenomenon of "lawcest." Now lawcest is exactly what it sounds like: dating and/or hooking up with another law student; thus, law school incest = lawcest. There are gradations according to the severity of the offense. They are as follows:

The worst offenders -
         Serial law school daters. These are the people who either have dated every single other single person in your small section, or even the law school at large. There's at least one in every law school. No exceptions. If you can't think of anyone, and you're single, it might be you. These people were likely the type of person who had gigantic public breakups in high school. They may still carry on this less than proud tradition. Alternatively, people who conduct less-than-subtle trysts with fellow law students. These may not rise quite to the level of a "relationship," and therefore do not qualify them as "serial daters," but that doesn't make them any less bad. They get sloppy at events and may have made out with every eligible person in their small section (during the first year) or even the whole law school (after the first year).
          Now, I'm not going to make excuses here, but to a certain extent, if you're single and disinclined to do online dating, get set up, and/or get repeatedly hit on in bars, this is unavoidable at a certain point. We get it, but it doesn't mean we have to like it.

Less bad -

      Sloppy hook ups. Bound to happen sooner or later. There will be some event or you'll be out after exams and blowing off some steam (seriously, the world will just seem brighter after exams), and inevitably you will decide that the world is far less terrible than you'd imagined during your grueling hours in the lawbrary. In the blink of an eye, you'll go from casually conversing with that sort-of attractive classmate to either a full-on make out session (high school style), or you'll be walking out the door hand in hand. It's entirely possible that no one will notice. Sometimes this happens when the entire room is too schlitzed to know the difference. The rule of thumb, however, is that someone will always notice. You'll do the walk of shame the next day (well, one of you will), and it will either gradually evolve into dating (like an adult!), or there will be a few more sloppy hook ups with the same person, or  that will be that and you'll both move on.
        If you're not one of the ones taking part in any sloppy hook ups during law school, it will be profoundly irritating to you that people do this in public. When you see one in progress you will immediately question all of your life choices, and then walk your tired butt home. In the immortal words of Danny Glover, you will tell yourself that "I'm getting too old for this shit." The embarrassment will fade, and you will either re-offend or you'll conduct yourself respectably.

NOTE: Less bad gets IMMEDIATELY upgraded to "the worst" if you have loud fights, disrupt traveling teams or clinics of any type, or if you leave a trail of trampled colleagues' feelings along the way.

Least bad - 

      Law school couple. These are the ones that find each other at some point during the 3 years in which you are all roped together like a herd of cattle in a single building for incalculable hours a week. They will either handle this maturely or immaturely. The mature ones start seeing each other on the DL and it slowly evolves to a point where people suddenly realize that they're together. There's also the mature varietal that crops up over night - friends since nearly the beginning and then suddenly they take the plunge and are revoltingly happy. There's also the couples that meet day 1 and stick it out for all three years. These are likely to end up in long-term relationships. So long as they're not all over each other in the hallways/generally in public, it's perfectly acceptable. All relationships have their ups and downs, so, as long as it's not being publicized to the entire school in a truly stomach turning manner, you're a-ok. (I really can't be too judgy here, I'm guilty.)
        The immature couples are on par with "sloppy hook ups." They will disrupt things, strangers will know too many details about their personal lives, and their eventual break up will be a peace-shattering, polarizing event. Basically, too much feelings, and gross, and do not want.

The best - 

        You've heard the myth that they exist, and indeed they do! Law students in healthy, functional relationships with non-law school people. These usually result in marriage (if not already married entering law school). I applaud them. They are functional adults. Many of them bring their wonderful spouses to hang with the law students. Some have awesome children. Some have pets that function as children. These people win. All the win. This, however, is not lawcest. Unless you have two law students that are married to each other. In which case, holy crap you're not human.


I've been meaning to post this for at least a week, but I had many things to attend to. Sorry loves!

Thoughts on Censorship

Now, I know censorship is an unpopular idea. Perhaps one of the most unpopular of the unpopular ideas. Being a law student, most censorship insinuates a violation of free speech, and of liberty. But is all censorship bad? I ask this as a serious question, and it's one I'm not sure there is a good answer to. Honestly, we talked a little bit about it in my Human Rights class today, and even under the UN Convention on Civil & Political Rights the answer is unclear. In the wake of the Boston bombings, the answer has become less clear to me. Maybe it's because people, in this overly connected age of ours, feel the need to share every thought as it occurs to them, rather than processing first. Who knows. What I do know is that I feel conflicted on the topic. As an American, I believe in the right to free speech. And on its face, censorship is revolting. Repugnant, even. But then you see and hear some of the horrid, disrespectful, and downright insensitive things that people have to say, and you start wondering - in an age with no sense of social propriety (or so it would seem), would a little censorship be so bad? Is it right for people to so hastily and haphazardly process events for others, be their interpretation correct or no? Is it right for other people to tell you how to feel or how to think? I think not. I mean, I think for the most part that people agree that everyone should think for themselves, but I guess my question really is this: after something major happens, can we all just keep our damned opinions to ourselves for 24 hours? Hell, even a single hour? And to the newsmedia, I pose the following question: at what point did you realize that you stopped producing actual news? Did your soul die a little when you realized that you no longer do any of the things that got you into the business in the first place? It's cool if it didn't - sometimes we all do stuff for the money; if I were you though, my soul would have died a little. I know that's not all your fault - you're beholden to ratings and readership, so you print and report what sells. And what sells is what gets people's blood boiling. And that's a little sad.

What I think has been really lost here, though, is the ability for modern society to censor itself. I'm not saying the government should step in, and I'm not saying that mom and dad should tell you what is ok or not ok to say. What I am saying is that we've lost the ability to self-regulate. Case in point, perhaps, is this blog. Food for thought.


(SEE? I DO POST INTELLECTUAL STUFF EVERY NOW AND THEN!....mostly that was me yelling at me for the largely senseless drivel I post)

Desecrated

Shocking, to say the least; utterly devastating, to say the most. The events of the last 36 hours (for those of you who don't know to what I am referring, google "boston marathon 2013") have deeply saddened at least one country, if not the world. The tragedy of those minutes that seemed like hours is almost unspeakable; to target such a celebration of life and such an outpouring of joy is unforgivable.

Now, this particular tragedy is close to me, since I lived in Boston for a number of years, and used to work about three blocks from where the first explosion occurred. I still have a number of friends who live and work in the city - some of whom attended the marathon yesterday. While I can't begin to fathom the kind of monster who finds blowing off limbs for no apparent reason either acceptable or even palatable, the violence of it is only part of what gets me. The only thing I can even compare the other part of what I'm feeling to is what people probably felt during the 1996 Centennial Park bombing at the Atlanta Olympics. The feeling that something near sacred to you, with the existence of a single event holding such intrinsic value and heritage that it hurts to imagine it being something other than what it is.

What "Marathon Monday" or Patriots day was, at least to the multiple thousands of college students and residents in the Boston area, was a celebration of life, an outpouring of joy, international cooperation, and the good in humanity. I suppose you could say much the same of any major sporting event, but think about this for a second - Boston dedicated a whole day to it. Every year. After living there, I can tell you - the city literally grinds to a halt. I'm pretty sure that the only places doing a high volume of business were liquor stores, Dunkin' Donuts, and 7-11. There were college students lining the streets from near dawn to the end of the race, cheering, holding signs, and more often holding booze. Kids on their dad's or mom's shoulders downtown thinking that one day they'd be as fast as the marathoners. And after the last person crossed the finish line, the city erupted into a party. A celebration of the fact that, no matter how long it took, everyone crossed the finish line - after 26.2 miles, quite the accomplishment! I don't think I ever saw anyone angry on Marathon Monday. And, despite the public drinking (which, strictly speaking, was blatantly illegal), I never personally saw any arrests or skirmishes.

To me, now being geographically far from Boston, the mere fact that this happened at all was a desecration of a sacred memory. For everyone that has left Boston, one angry and militant action, much like one drop of blood in a bucket of water, has poisoned the tradition, the pride, the celebration. I'm even more offended that people got seriously injured. A graduate student died. An eight-year-old died. And a woman who left her job to take care of her sick grandmother died. Those that know me, really know me, know that I don't really do tears or feelings, so they'll get how much this means when I say the pictures and the news reports legitimately make me tear up. It also sickens me that a member of the human race is capable of carrying out such carnage.


To the people who have started speculating that it's a conspiracy, whatever, freedom of speech. My only question is this: how would YOU feel if someone you loved just got maimed by some psychotic, terrifying event and all a bunch of people could talk about was that it was a "fake flag" operation? Personally, I'd feel like I'd been violated. Frankly, I do feel that way. You have every right to think and say those things, but for the love of humanity and for the sake of not furthering the paranoia, fear, and hurt that the bombs themselves caused, please don't put them where grieving people will look. Better yet, and I know this is asking a lot (but it is just a request), keep it to yourself and give people time to process things. Who knows, maybe some of them will end up agreeing with you, but at this point in time it is (a) inappropriate, and (b) puts you (in my mind) on par with sexual predators. That might be taking it kind of far, but that's how I feel about it. I feel violated that you took something so tragic, so horrifying, and pounced on the opportunity to make your message heard BEFORE the people physically and emotionally affected by it even had time to process what had happened. Having experienced the death of a loved one, I can tell you that the most disrespectful and inhumane thing to do is to use SOMEONE ELSE'S tragedy to further your own ends. So, really, just shut your face. Or Twitter, or whatever.

That all being said, Bostonians are some of the most resilient people I've ever met, and are incredibly giving and kind, as the news reports have proven. You all are in my thoughts and in my heart. I may no longer live there, but when I left, I left a little piece of my heart in Boston. And to my friends there, I'm so glad I know you're all safe. Now, just keep each other safe.

Ah, Facebook!

We all, by now, are well familiar with the pervasive technological pestilence that is Facebook. We're all guilty. We're all (more or less) addicted. Let it be. I cannot, however, speak highly enough about being utterly paranoid and making your security settings as high as it is possible to go. Everything you put on facebook is public information. Just let that sink in for a minute. EVERYTHING. Once your pictures are on there, you no longer own the rights to them. Same goes for videos, music, and any other content.

Now, being a person who hopes to be full-time employed one day, I'm hyper paranoid. There are ALL the security settings on my account. Including a fun feature that requires me to enter a randomly generated code every time I log in from a new device. Irritating? Yes. Preventing weirdos from hacking my account? Absolutely. I also get automatic email notifications regarding every change to my account. Again, I do these things because I'm mildly paranoid, particularly having learned about the shoddy and basically nonexistent state of US internet privacy policy. Yeah, that's right, I said it (and, yes, I do understand that a particularly intelligent computery person could totally track down my identity from this blog...but it sounds like a lot of work).

Anyway, the point is that I have never been more pleased with my choice to be paranoid. Just half an hour ago, I got email notifications (SIX of them, to be exact) that I had requested to change my password. I did no such thing. I was happily logged into my account, sitting in Federal Indian Law. (What? It's totally a thing. Look it up. Also, I  heart this professor. Also, it's basically a version of Fed Courts that actually makes sense, so go cry about your life choices to take the insanely hard class.) I notified facebook of each and every attempt. There hasn't been another. But, rest assured, there WILL be updates if it happens again. I then proceeded to deauthorize every single account that I didn't have personal control of. This is a reminder to all of you. Check how many devices you have authorized, deauthorize a few, and then up your security settings.

Phenomena

Things that have happened in the week since this particular term began:

I've determined that it isn't hugely important to read for my Human Rights class, but is absolutely imperative for every. single. other. class.

I've contracted i deep-seated desire to DIY things, despite both my lack of time and minimal skill.

Evernote might be both the best and worst program to ever enter my life. I've already started accumulating recipes. I might have a problem.

THERE IS A WAY TO DIY YOUR OWN IN-N-OUT BURGER. That was an earth shattering one. It's also way more involved than you would think.

Buzzfeed is a weirdly appropriate place for me to spend inappropriate amounts of time and indulge my slightly OCD side.

Journal Pros and Cons

Pros:

• Prestige
• An office
• Free Food
• Friends
• Parties
• Working with practitioners and faculty
• You get to be an editor of things
• Helps with getting a job
• Makes you look like a successful adult

Cons:

• Additional demands on your time
• Other journals will try to make you sound less prestigious
• You HAVE to write a comment
• You get shamed for not wanting to publish
• You're still just PRETENDING to be a successful adult
• Tight deadlines
• Work you get to do in your "free" time
• Uncomfortable familiarity with the bluebook

Take it or leave it.

Bonus, here's a badass quote from the Iron Lady herself.

On Law School Dating

I've mentioned this before, but for many, law school is the destroyer of worlds in terms of dating. In some ways it falls along the lines of dating in college, just much MUCH worse.

In undergrad you're getting your footing as an adult. If you head off with a high school sweetheart in tow, it either ends in marriage (or some commitment along those lines) or it ends in some sort of fiery explosion of epic proportions and you end up wishing the other person dies in an inferno. Now, kindly remember the level of stress you experienced in undergrad....or total lack thereof. Now multiply that by at least ten. Or more, if the ABA is to be believed: http://www.abajournal.com/news/article/a_marketing_prof_tries_law_school_encounters_stress_level_that_is_scarily_h. Combine that level of stress (and believe you me that it is nearly constant) along with the sheer volume of work, the requirements that you network (no matter how bad at it you are), and just generally be some semblance of a functional human, and it's just bad news bears for your love life usually.

I know multiple people who have gone through several relationships in the last two years. Some came into law school with a long-term significant other, others found someone along the way, most ended in a fiery inferno of disaster. Simple truth: people your dating actually want to see you every now and then, and when they see you, they want you to do things other than stare like a zombie at the TV, drink a bottle of wine and then pass out for 12 hours. The problem is, for most law students (note that I said MOST, not ALL), that sounds like a damn relaxing and wonderful weekend night. You'd think that then the obvious choice would be to date someone IN law school so that they understand all the demands on your time - Not generally an excellent solution. You will see this person almost on the daily; you're competing with them for professors' attention, grades, and jobs; at some point they might be your arch nemesis; you will almost certainly annoy the ever-living crap out of each other at some point. Most law students aren't great at seeing to their own hierarchy of needs and those are the ones they're constantly immersed in, so to ask them to consider a second human being is the most utterly ridiculous of propositions. To be fair, this isn't always the case - there's an exception to every rule, BUT do not make the naïve and slightly idiotic mistake of thinking that you're the exception from the get go.

The counterpoint to breakup infernos of epic proportions are people that get married and have kids during law school. More power to them; it's not a reaction I entirely understand. Frankly, that could be a sign of their maturity, and my lack thereof, but that's the other extreme. Notice that I haven't mentioned some lovely middle ground. That's because it's all but nonexistent. It's like the Protestant concept of heaven and hell - there is no purgatory. Now, what all of this drives us of the non-marriage persuasion to do is this: become serial daters. Good strategy for maintaining sanity in law school? Not even slightly. Inevitably, breakups happen to serial daters at the WORST POSSIBLE TIMES. As in when your entire life has tossed itself off a cliff and is rapidly hurtling toward the bottom of an endless toilet bowl.

Bottom line: unless you're with someone that has the patience of a saint and is infinitely understanding, law school will either explode your relationship in fantastical fashion, or you'll be married in no time (despite living in the shadow of crippling debt).

My advice on pursuing that blossoming relationship as you enter law school?

Take it from Ms. Margaret Thatcher, people.

Repeated Realizations

Mostly this:

So, there ya have it. Truth bomb.

What the....

While diligently taking notes on human rights, my eyes did happen upon possibly one of the dumbest company names ever. I do mean EVER. "Staff me up" So, basically, not only can the person who created this not speak english properly, not know any semblance of proper grammar, but also likes to sound like they're serving Staph infections to all of the people. Seriously? Did all of your PR/Marketing people just fall into this job after having a trust fund and never listening to themselves speak? Because, really, that sounds disgusting. I can only hope that it's not a catering staffing company....because gross.

I've Made a Huge Mistake

You may or may not have noticed by this point that I am a procrastinator. Possibly the Queen of procrastinators...as evidenced by the fact that I'm sitting in class and writing this. Winning? Or not. Whatever.

The point is that I've been telling you all of these wonderful things about my professors this quarter, and that is all true enough. Wonderful, they are. The problem is this: I have between 100 and 300 pages of reading to do PER NIGHT. On top of journal work, clinic work, trying to get my life together, and trying to be some semblance of an adult. I'm good at all of none of this. My solution: blog about your fails to finish your insane amounts of reading. Totally makes sense, right?

On the upside, my gloriously wonderful professor spent the first hour of class on less than 10 pages of reading. That would be the reading that I did. Reason #457 why this man is an excellent professor. Yesterday we got to talk about our favorite science memories in my seminar class. Love. Also, so much story time.

But, with respect to the sheer amount of reading that I am supposed to be doing on the daily, I've made a huge mistake. And I need more highlighters. ALL THE HIGHLIGHTERS. I'm starting a highlighter graveyard in my backpack.

An Open Letter the CA DMV

Now, you may or may not have guessed by now that at some point, I lived in the Golden Gate State.  To be clear, I haven't lived there long term in over 6 years. It's a lovely, sunshine-y state with beaches and seemingly infinite miles of freeways and often hippies galore. However, other than the lack of seasons, there is one MAJOR downfall. I'll outline it below, after the jump.

Simply the Best

Let me start this with a rallying war cry, "Steve Holt!" Whew, now that's over, let's move on. Now, a little background.

This quarter just so happens to be what is known in the high education biz as a "condensed quarter" which means more class time, less flexibility with sick days, and TONS of reading in a really unreasonably short period of time. What we have here is 8 weeks of class (and keep in mind that some classes only meet twice a week, or even ONCE a week!), and then bing bang boom, it's Finals! Surprise! You weren't ready for that were you? Good. The less prepared you are, the better? Something like that. Honestly I don't at all understand the institution's reasoning for this, but it does mean that those of us who consistently feel compelled to take on 500,000 things get to be stressed out for two months straight.

All I can say is thank the almighty flying spaghetti monster for my friends. They give me sanity and perspective and decompression, and really all the good things.

On the upside of all of this madness (MADNESS? THIS IS SPARTA!!!), is that I have some truly incredible professors this quarter, which will make the 300+ pages of reading every other day just a tiny bit better. One is my professor crush (not in a romantic way, you sickos!), one is possibly the most wonderful and adorable professors ever, and the last just spews sayings that I want to write in a notebook and keep for all of time. Seriously, the last one has a whole facebook group dedicated to the magical things he says. I have never laughed harder in a law school class. I'll just give you a tiny sampling: "Have they had a fire drill yet this quarter? No? They’re negligent. Remember that when you burn to death." Magical, right? He's like a unicorn amongst a swarm of orcs. He's the unicorn of law school professors. There, I said it. That being said, his class has an ungodly amount of reading. 177 pages for the FIRST DAY. No joke. 

Oh, to explain what I mean by "professor crush" it's a professor who (a) appears to be an actual human, (b) who so wows you with their intelligence that it borders on intimidating, (c) tempts you to add "like a BAWSS" to everything they do, (d) actually cares about their students, and (e) go above and beyond. It's a rarity, but I now have several. It might be a problem, because I only want to take their classes. Blessing and a curse, I guess.

UNRELATED NOTE: Cinderella's marriage is totally green card motivated. HOLY MOTHER OF GOD IS THAT NOT A REASON TO GET MARRIED. DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB.

Remember

All of that complaining I did about having class at 8:30 AM before? To quote Game of Thrones to my former self, "You know nothing, Jon Snow".  Seriously. When we're talking the before-10-am-hours, 15 minutes can make or break you. In my case, they break me.


The problem is this: I wouldn't give up my early class for anything. It's with one of my favorite professors, and it's a class that I'm using to substitute for taking Federal Courts - the gunner-iest of all the classes. So, despite the fact that I'm going to have around 300 pages of reading for every single tuesday and thursday of every week until the quarter ends, I'm going to stick it out from pure stubbornness. And I do have stubbornness in SPADES.

On the upside, all of Tuesday and Thursday is basically the hours of law professor comedy. It's great. So great. And so shamefully nerdy. Love.

1000 Views!

Hey, y'all (I'm not Southern, but who DOESN'T appreciate the ease of "y'all"?)! This blog has officially passed the landmark of 1,000 page views! Thanks for listening to me whine, I guess! I can only hope that it has brought you literally minutes of entertainment! Please know that a good portion of this blog is hyperbole and that it is my venting mechanism/sanity-keeping mechanism as I trudge my way through the perils of law school.

Huzzah! And Congratulations to all of us!

The Quickest Way...

To feel inadequate is to take a class with a bunch of LLM students who do human rights work. I've been in this class for 9 minutes and now I feel utterly inadequate as both a law student and a human being. People have worked in war torn regions and have done "peace building" and immigration work, and all kinds of things. It's honestly like that scene in Legally Blonde where they're all introducing themselves with these insane accomplishments and PhDs, and she goes, "I'm Elle Woods, and this is Bruiser Woods, and we're both gemini vegetarians..." Seriously, that inadequate. Except I'm totally aware of it.

Also, the quickest way to my heart for a professor is to (1) mention environmental issues in the first 20 minutes of class, (2) provide a printout of what should have been a for sale course packet, and (3) color code everything. GLORIOUS.

Back to the Grind

Because I planned my schedule well (I hope), I don't have any class on Mondays. Which will inevitably lead me to doing all kinds of clinic work on Mondays. ALL KINDS. I mean, really, we have a case going to trial soon...which we will hopefully know the dates for as of today. UGH.

Anyway, today is my first real day back. That means that I had to drag my sorry butt out of bed at 6:30 AM in order to make my 8:15 class. I made it at 8:20. We're off to a good(?) start. Well, here goes nothing. At least I get TWO classes with one of my favorite professors of all time today. Seriously, he's wonderful. (and unfortunately remembers me....so there's that. And probably a bunch of cold calls - one so far...and it hasn't been an hour yet)

On the upside, in preparation for today's reintroduction to attempting to be a person, I actually remembered to buy coffee and I have eggs and quick frozen meals. Thank god. It's like half real people meals....so I'll actually eat things. Sort of. Given that I'm eating a small cup of oatmeal from the cafe right now...I have yet to fully succeed. It's a start though.

Well, back to class and worrying about the status of my case, and the presentation I'm giving to practitioners next week. Cue internal hyperventilation now.

Decompression

So, here goes the briefest of recaps.

Finals week came and went and was horrifying and sleep deprived and also involved my hosting an eighteen year old cousin for a week. There was a lot of eating at restaurants, which was a lovely change of pace, and will require less cleaning out of my fridge. There were tourist-y trips, and post-PR final, there was a paragliding adventure! It was supposed to be skydiving, but what with the lack of sun and rain and whatnot, there was only one company doing jumps and they were booked (which is what I get for trying to book things two days before doing them).

Anyway, it finished, and then I almost immediately jumped onto an airplane to a place with sunshine. Two friends joined me later that same day. Margaritas were had, salads eaten, sunshine soaked up, and beach days passed. Well, two of those so far. Anyway.

Laying out on the beach, even if it isn't quite as warm as I want it to be, is the best decompression. Particularly when combined with beverages made in a blender. And cheesy 90's rap. I came back slightly tanner, 1100000x more relaxed. Then spent Easter (which, honestly, I just see as a family and friends day, along with a valid excuse for both mimosas and obscene amounts of food) with a friend's family. There were both mimosas and tons of food, along with hot tub-ing, pretty views (it was basically in the countryside....basically), a lovely dinner, so much sunshine, and a slight sunburn. Unfortunately this also meant that I didn't get nearly as much preparation for class done as I'd hoped. Luckily I had Monday off....during which time I slept a lot.

The end?

Here we are again

Finals.

Sleep deprived. Caffeinated. Just murdered some trees. Now have no money on my print quota. Desperately need a massage. Also desperately need to finish my laundry. Also desperately need to run the dishwasher. Also desperately need to gas up my car.

But here we go. We sally forth without regard for mental health, exhaustion, physical health, or general appearance.

I did, however, put makeup on for the first time in three days though. And I'm wearing pants. So that's like half-way to clothing. Not like the fants (fake pants: AKA leggings and/or yoga pants) that I've been wearing to the lawbrary.

After today I shall welcome vegetables back into my diet. I shall remember what it's like to sleep a normal amount of hours (read: more than 5), and I'll get started on my ungodly lengthy to-do list. And beach, there is a beach at the end of this. With two fantastical friends. And margaritas. And fish tacos. I just need to make it to Saturday.


Best of luck, my fellow law students in arms.

Study "week": Day 2

The morning began significantly earlier, but was, unfortunately, preceded by a night spent with the lights on (entirely by accident). I also somehow managed to magically explode some oatmeal in my microwave...so breakfast consisted of roughly a half cup of oatmeal - not a real meal. I was, however, provided with a soy latte with an extra shot by my lovely carpool. AND I have salad for lunch...like a person!

I've also moved away from music (for now), in favor of having Top Gear on in the background. It's weirdly effective.

Also, I apologize for this total crap entry. Finals studying drains all creativity from my brain. And it's dull. Woefully dull.

MUSIC!

For times when you get bored with your 90's music selection and/or classical music, party music (as I've previously said) is the way to go. That being said, this is one of my favorite party music bands. It's a good combination of repetitive, catchy, girl power-y (don't hate), and just really fun. (Note: Mom, you're not going to enjoy this band a whole lot)





For your listening pleasure!

Adulthood Failure Take 57

I actually made food last night. It was a feat among feats. It was also the epitome of all things artery clogging.

To clarify, it was taco pizza. How does one make such a pizza, you may ask. Here's how. Make some taco meat. I chose ground beef, sauteed with onions and taco seasoning. Then spread out your store-bought pizza dough, spread two kinds of salsa over the top - I chose roasted pepper salsa and chili/corn salsa - then place rounds of mozzarella in whatever pattern you desire, pile the taco meat on top, then smother in a mexican shredded cheese blend. Bake at the hottest temperature possible for like 15 minutes (try not to set off the smoke alarm; I didn't succeed at that part). After slicing the pizza, spread guacamole on top and finish with a squeeze of lime juice. Then enjoy your horribly unhealthy, artery clogging, early death inducing food!

Please note how this is not a meal that people should be proud of making . At least no adult should be proud of this. Nor should they be proud of eating it for breakfast...in bed...the following morning. And for lunch that same day.

Basically what I'm trying to say is that I have failed spectacularly at eating like a real person....though I have eaten in the same fashion as a morbidly obese person would....that's not particularly comforting. Tonight might be the time to try for vegetables...and wine. That's healthy right? Red wine has antioxidants. Veggies have....good things. I am truly terrible at the whole adulthood game.

Post Yoga Study Strategy

Step 1. Remain sweaty, so that you feel as disgusting as you probably look.

Step 2. Have multiple uber-hydrating beverages (I went with chocolate coconut water and regular water).

Step 3. You need a change in music, so look for something either inspiring or catchy (so it'll keep you awake).

Step 4. Decide it's just about time for a glorious recap of late 80's-mid 90's music. Spend several minutes finding some.

Step 5. Start with "Steal My Sunshine" by Len, next is "Down Under" by Men at Work, and then you can go wherever you'd like.

Step 6. RESIST the urge to sing along and/or dance along. You WILL get dirty looks from every single other law student in your immediate vicinity (which, thankfully isn't too many at the moment).

Step 7. Have a mini flashback to that trip in high school during which you were forced to listen to a bunch of terrible music until you wrested control of the sound system back from the horrid counselor and put Queen on, like a logical person.

Step 8. Briefly mourn the fact that you've never been back to the land of Oz.

Step 9. Wish the showers at school (yes, there are showers INSIDE the law school) weren't quite so gross. Or that you'd brought non-sweat soaked clothing to change into.

Step 10. Realize how much time you've just wasted. Give yourself a mental slap to the face. Get back to work.

White Smoke!

We have a new pope! By which I mean, the Catholics (of whom I am not one) have a new pope! Per my exceedingly clever colleague, he shall be henceforth dubbed Papa Argentina! I have a little bit of hope for Papa Argentina - he's a Jesuit, and he's from one of the most liberal countries in South America. However, there are things that he's holding staunchly to the party line on. Namely, contraception (except in a select few cases), gay marriage, general homosexuality issues, and we're not sure just yet how he views and plans to deal with the whole child molestation thing that the Church has sadly become associated with. I mean, man, if I can say nothing else about the views of high ranking Catholic priests - they are damned consistent.

That's really all I've got. That and he's old as dirt. Can YOU imagine STARTING a career at the nubile age of 76? (Note: cryptkeeper is not a viable career choice in this specific scenario) The last dude they chose because he was old and they weren't sure the direction the Church should take split the church in two (which, mercifully, didn't last).

Being largely a-religious, or at least agnostic, this doesn't really affect me. So, it's a thing!

Ways To Know It's Finals

1. You can literally concentrate on nothing
2. You're pretty sure you're awake 98% because of caffeine
3. Facebook has been temporarily deactivated
4. 90% of your diet consists of what might be deemed "junk food" 
5. Ladies: your hair is in a ponytail more often than not
6. Dudes: it has magically become acceptable to wear sweats in public
7. Using the printer at a capacity that could be deemed abuse if it were an animate object
8. All of the tables around you have laptops, at least one book per person, at least one beverage per person and at least one person wearing reading glasses.
9. Highlighters are used/discarded and generally tortured
10. Workout clothes are no longer confined to the gym.
11. Hiding from people has become an acceptable way to pass your weekend.
12. Every time you make a real meal it feels as if you've accomplished some herculean task and deserve to be rewarded.
13. Somehow it has become acceptable to take an elevator two floors
14. You're sent into a panic at the mere mention of a case name you can't place
15. Free coffee makes your day 1000% better
16. When you run out of coffee at home, you get a demonic headache that penetrates the back of your eye sockets
17. Advil is a means of survival
18. Sedentary has become the only way of life you know
19. Each and every undergraduate in YOUR library is met with a withering glare 
20. The library's rule against eating and food has become a mere suggestion.
21. You bear a modicum of ill begotten and ill deserved ire toward any human in your vicinity whom you have not willingly chosen to associate yourself with.
22. EVERYTHING is distracting.

NOT ACCEPTABLE

Now, you've heard me rant about the 1Ls on here before, but to be fair, they have (on the whole) gotten better about their scream whispering and general utter disrespect for every single person that has to occupy the same airspace with them. That is, except for one. She is the instigator, and I'm becoming increasingly certain that she is the devil incarnate. Not even a good devil. I won't give her the privilege and honor of being compared to Kali or Faustus. She's the pond scum....or rather the tiny organisms that feed exclusively on pond scum....of devils.

Every day she sits amongst a table of exclusively male law students (also naïve 1Ls), looking nauseatingly self-satisfied. And then she proceeds to scream whisper for an extended period of time. In a law library one week before finals this is the opposite of acceptable. I'm of the mind that people that commit this egregious sin should be rounded up and shot.....or expelled. One of the two, I'm not particular about which. She is truly the worst of the bunch though. Just moments ago, after arriving at the law school at 7 goddamned 45 in the morning to do work for the paper I have due today and the second one I have due at 8:30 tomorrow morning, she and her friend squeal (I shit you not....they legitimately SQUEALED like tortured pigs) upon seeing each other for the first time in 24 hours and then launched into 10 freaking minutes of scream whispering. Not only could I hear all of this, but I could hear it through partially noise canceling headphones, with somewhat loud music on. Ask yourself, would you be embarrassed if that were you? Of course you would, because you're being an inconsiderate prick to literally an entire floor of a library. Not her.

Look, I get that some people in law school have no social awareness and/or mild Aspergers, but good god, were you raised in a BARN?!? There are some places where that kind of conduct is just generally unacceptable. This is one of those places. Also, if you are clueless enough to fail to notice the six tables of people shooting you death glares, you're not going to fare well in the real world. The worst part about the whole situation is that she just looked increasingly self-satisfied after the whole ordeal. I swear, if I bore no murderous impulses before this encounter, you can bet that I have them bubbling and seething under the surface now. There is rage welling up from the very core of my being like magma, and I pray to god that she's not around should that rage magma ever make it to the surface. Then again, it is deeply comforting to know that I'm on several boards and, if I ever chose to (which I wouldn't, because it would be an utter abuse of power) I could make her life in law school a living hell.

I take comfort in this:

Epic Studying

Studying, as we all are well aware by now, is the bane of the law student's life. There are, however, a few ways to make your hours spent buried under books, cranking out mediocre papers, and downing unhealthy quantities of caffeine feel more epic.

Chief among these methods is to listen to all of the John Williams directed music on the internets. All of it. Hear me? In addition to listening to all of the action inspired (and action-inspiring) music from Star Wars and all of the Indiana Jones movies, you also get E.T., Lincoln, War Horse, and a bunch of stuff that I had no idea the man had anything to do with. He is a legend. He is a machine. He's fantastic and will make even the crappiest paper churned out under the greatest amount of sleep deprivation humanly achievable feel like you're Beethoven writing the Moonlight Sonata.

Second is to paint your face like Braveheart and routinely run outside screaming that "They may take our lives, but they will never take our freedom!!!" Granted, this is wholly secondary choice to the John Williams music. Mainly because it will solidify your status as the campus crazy person. Unless you're at some liberal, hippie school....which would not be most law schools.

Lastly, you can always try taking exercise breaks in the lawbrary. Either dancing to some form of insanely catchy music or doing yoga in the middle of the walkway. Just don't make noise. Silent dance party!!!

My method is method no. 1, combined with some epic nail polish (currently teal with a glitter french...it's weird and I love it.). Law school is a little like being in private school where they wear uniforms. You use your accessories and makeup/hair (or lack thereof) to distinguish you and remind you that you're not just another brick in the wall, to quote Pink Floyd.


Back to papers and John Williams. Ciao, mi amici!

Damn You, Daylight Savings!

As I'm sure you all know (and are equally unhappy about), this past weekend was daylight savings time. For those of you who don't know how this works, basically once a year we turn our clocks forward an hour (i.e. 7 AM becomes 8 AM), and then, approximately 7 months later, we reverse it (the 8 AM we've gotten used to is then 7 AM). It's a tradition that harkens back to the days of yore, when the hour of waking was dictated by the hour the sun arose and work upon the fields could commence. Now, let's just forget for a second that most of modern society does not begin at the buttcrack of dawn, a significant portion of modern society does not consist of farmers. Also, there's this awesome invention called electricity. I don't know if you've heard of it, but it allows work to continue after the sun goes down. This is particularly useful for when the sun goes down at 4 PM during the winter. (Those of you in or close to the equator won't be able to relate to that particular phenomenon)

So, there we have it: an antiquated system that we still employ, somewhat nonsensically. To make matters worse, there are several states that have arbitrarily chosen not to follow this particular tradition. While I agree with their logic, it makes figuring out time zones far more complicated unnecessarily. I would blame the farmers for this mess, but I empathize with their plight and believe that part of the problem with the modern food economy is that there is a severe lack of small farmers - partially fed by outdated food subsidies and partially fed by the industrial agriculture phenomenon of the last 100 years - but that rant is for another time and another place.

My point is: daylight savings time is stupid, it makes me sleepy, and it makes me wake up to the joyous noise of my own voice proclaiming that "I hate everything." It's even worse when said asinine change in time arises precisely a week and a half before finals. Oh, and during the week where you have all the things due. DUM DUM DUM DUM DUM. (That is an intentional misspelling - I'm well aware that there is a silent "b" on the end of that.) Compound all this with the fact that I've repeatedly forgotten to purchase coffee for the last two weeks, and you have a situation where I'm more sleep deprived than normal and LACKING SUFFICIENT CAFFEINE. It's no bueno. On the upside, I had just enough coffee to make one last pot this morning. And discovered that I can park at school for $3 if I force two other students into my car. Winning? Sort of. It's a wash right now.

Why the Last Weekend of March....

....is the greatest weekend so far this year. Two tv shows are premiering. I'm obsessed with both. It's a problem, but a happy problem.

No. 1: Doctor Who

And No. 2: Game of Thrones

I hope you're all as excited as I am.

The Joys of Party Music

Let's face it, working on things for law school is sad. More often than not, at least for me, every fiber of my being fights doing actual work until I'm under an extreme time crunch and then I go into psycho meltdown mode. I've been trying to fix that. It's a hard habit to break though. The things that I've found that help are (a) not wearing my contacts, so I literally cannot see things that are more than a foot away, (b) wearing my reading glasses, (c) listening to classical music (I highly recommend the London Symphony Orchestra), and (d) listening to party music.

Party music is that perfect combination of brainless, repetitive, catchy, and driving beat. That way it makes you stay awake, continue working, but it doesn't have enough substance to actually distract you. I know that some of my compatriots would disagree, but I'm utterly incapable of working for long periods without some amount of noise distracting the ADD part of my brain. Silence is not always best, though I can work in silence.





These lovely songs, such as the one above, by the lovely and talented Santigold, distract my brain just enough to allow the creative juices/expanded mental capacity to function more effectively. I think of it as white noise that both makes me want to dance (physical activity!) and makes the words flow from my fingertips more quickly (productivity?). It's a good thing. Things that also help are (1) a number of various beverages, (2) company that is being far more productive than you are, and (3) snacks. Snacks are of the utmost importance. Mmmmm....food.

Also, this is stuck in my head, so you get to enjoy it in all its glory as well.

Dumdumdumdumdum!

That Time of Year

No, not a holiday of any time. The time of year when you realize that finals are a mere two weeks away, you feel woefully unprepared (hah! I don't think anyone has ever gone into a law school final feeling 100% prepared.), and you have ALL the things to do at the same time. The way you can typically tell that it is fast approaching is mainly that the 1Ls stop scream-whispering so frequently in the lawbrary. They suddenly become as intently focused as a cheetah stalking its prey. The packs they so frequently wander and sit in begin to dissipate, until they eventually vanish altogether. But never fear, that happens only once the study period has begun. Jerks. Don't they understand that the rest of us have papers due before then? Or that we have actually difficult finals to study for? No, no they do not. They're still (mistakenly) under the impression that their Civil Procedure finals are going to be "the worst thing ever." Such is not the case. Any class that is 98% about how well you can read the text of a rule and apply it will not have an absurdly difficult final exam. Besides, if you haven't guessed by now, law school is mostly about how well you can write reasonable statements applying case law to a fictional set of facts. Sounds fun, right? NOPE.

Oh well, le sigh. According to sources, the 1Ls have already begun panicking and studying ferociously. I'm amenable to that, considering the two papers I have due in the next two weeks (both final papers), plus a meeting about my journal comment (which I need to do more work on), and two outlines I need to create. Oh, and a case that will be going to trial post-spring break. And judicial clerkship applications are due soonish. As are applications for a during-the-year job for next year. Because my to-do list is so short, I've added on researching bar prep courses, calling my future supervisor, beginning Rule 9 paperwork, looking into the MPRE (and potentially signing up for it), and hosting a mini St. Patrick's day potluck (because it's right before finals start...and otherwise I will honestly forget to eat).

The only truly awful part about all of this is that I very recently realized that I do not possess coffee at home. And am still working my body back to a normal sleep schedule, post weekend-in-canada. Gross. Such is law school. Anyway, this is short because it's time for me to go abuse some highlighters (of which I need to get more) by creating rainbow colored highlighting in my Natural Resources book. For those of you who think that is a stupid system for studying: (1) Don't judge me, it works for me, and (2) it's extremely helpful for people who will inherit my books eventually. Seriously. Just ask the girl who has my evidence book. Every time she gets to a page that I didn't quite get to, she says her brain asks why I have forsaken her. HAH!

Also, thanks to Illegalities for this:

Law School Truths

No matter how many times someone will tell you that it's your arguments and how well they're constructed that matters, it's not always strictly true. At some point the playing field gets leveled in terms of how intelligent and well-written the arguments are. On the other hand, when you're standing in front of judges, being human and forced to say things people immediately break down into a few categories. There are those who are comfortable, maybe even bordering slightly on cocky, and speak with the fluidity, grace, and eloquence of a young Barack Obama. Others get an extreme sheen of flop sweat, speak increasingly quickly, breathe less and less, and turn the color of an overripe tomato. They are what you would call less-comfortable....or future transactional attorneys. Then there's the majority of people...who fall in between. They might get sweaty and word vomit a little, but they get through it, they make points. The persuasiveness is either there (because sometimes it is), or it isn't. That's the way reality rolls.

The Great White North

In the spirit of the fight against mental exhaustion and burn out that is all of law school, a few friends and I spent the weekend in the realm of America's northern neighbor. It was a weekend replete with 90s music, too much makeup, some sea otters and brunch. Brunch is truly the best meal of all the meals.  All of the best of breakfast with all of the best of lunch, in ONE meal. Truly brilliant. Creator of brunch, I salute you and honor your memory by eating chocolate cake for lunch.

Like adults do, we spent a significant portion of our vacation post-brunch at the aquarium. Because penguins. And sharks. I am now the proud owner of plush based Sea Otter slippers. Eat your heart out 5 year olds! I also own a sippy cup with a curly straw and a whale. We then went out and partied (responsibly) like it was 1999. And I truly mean like it was 1999....as in glittery eyeshadow and cat eye liner. We made new friends, as outgoing groups of people do. I encountered a gentleman (a term I'm employing extremely loosely here, as he was 4 years my junior and a bit like a lost puppy) who could not and cannot take a hint. Though I did nothing to encourage his advances, he made a few of them. I now need to be real abrupt with Canadian men...lesson learned. CANADA!!! Why is everything just a little bit different?!?!

We also had delicious Udon soup, some fantastic pork belly, and all the snacks from ever. OH, and poutine. And fries. And just so much food.

Also, Canada's parking meters stole my quarters. But I found a combo of coconut water and coffee. For when you're both dehydrated and tired. It will keep you awake and make you need to run to the restroom.

Now to do all the things and then watch my friends kick butt in the mock appellate advocacy competition, because law school is NERDY. Deal with it.

Special shout-out to my glorious, tall, co-founder of Team Creep - Happy Birthday! See, the sun even came out specially for your birthday! The universe wants it to rock.

Aaaaaaand back to the bazillion things I have to do.

How I Fail at Adulthood

These are just the most recent in a series of failures that will make up my struggle to be a real adult for the rest of my life.

1. Eating vegetables like a person
2. Cooking real meals like a person
3. Keeping up with the laundry like a person
4. Washing all dishes immediately post using them
5. Not counting fried potatoey things as an essential part of a meal
6. Leaving the house on time (we're not aiming for early here, because...honestly....I'd be incapable of that)
7. Understanding time constraints (who knew that figuring out a place to live for the summer would be so difficult?)
8. Understanding questions you should ask when offered a job (e.g. how much does it pay?)

That's it for recent failures. I'm sure there will be more. There are daily ones.

Bah.

If only, if only

This article is incredible, and I wish I could say that doing these things would jet power you through law school. Unfortunately, it won't. It might, however, help you to make it through (mostly) sane. Because, let's be honest, how many law students have you met that meet the definition of 100% sane? And if you ask a law student that, the answer will ALWAYS be, "it depends." Always. Because that is the answer to EVERYTHING in law school. Sane? Nope. Logical? Maybe (it depends....see?!?!). Infuriating? Most definitely.

Anyway, the link is CLICK HERE.

Victory Shall Be Mine!

Success of all successes! I'm apparently employable! I have until the end of the week to figure things out and decide if I want to take this particular summer job (e.g. is it actually feasible for me to move for the summer, rent a place short term, and still have enough income), so we shall see. It is, however, really good to know that I'm not a total waste of legal air space.

Things seem to be weirdly alright this week. Which, of course, means that there is going to be some sort of explosion of not ok by the end of the week, but that's for future me to worry about. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

In other news, I'm getting better at faking being an adult. I dress like one, go on job interviews, get job offers, do drycleaning, own my own sets of chopsticks, eat breakfast, cook, have a wine rack. Those are the things that make one appear adult-y, right? Sure. We'll go with that.

Oh, and in the world of fun facts (1) I'm pretty sure the assistant prosecutor owns Christian Louboutins (which makes her AWESOME), (2) I will one day own a home with a wine cellar, (3) it will look like this:

(HINT: it's the lit up blue thing under the floor. That is, the mosque of wine.), (4) I also want one of these:

because then I can MAKE MY OWN OXYGEN! Boom, science.

I've also determined that a key to feeling confidence (for me, at least) involves wearing the proper shoes. The "proper" shoes are awesome ones. Not boring black ones. For clarification, not all black shoes are boring and not all boring shoes are black. People do, however, tend to wear either boring, black, or boring black shoes for interviews and court. It's apparently not necessary. Unless it's required by your dress code (yeah, offices have those, and it serves you to be well aware of them).

Finally, when in a bind and making dinner (yes, actually cooking it....for once....when you feel severely unhealthy), here's a quick meal. Take frozen albacore steaks...defrost for several minutes. I'd say about 20. Then put steaks into a ziplock bag large enough to marinate them in. Add desired amount of marinade (for extreme laziness I recommend either champagne vinaigrette or italian dressing - storebought). Allow to soak in marinade for about 5 minutes (or however long it takes to heat a large pot of water (not quite to a boil). When water is sufficiently warm, place sealed ziplock into the water, and allow to cook for about 10 minutes. It's the ghetto version of sous vide. If you're like me and can never seem to make enough dishes dirty, then you'll take the fish out and place into a skillet for like 90 seconds per side to finish it off. Serve with whatever else you feel like eating/can be bothered to make. Ta-Da! 3 dishes, and a tasty meal! At this point you can feel accomplished for the whole day.

Lesson Learned: Quality Assurance Edition

As anyone on a law journal or law review will tell you, most of it is a privilege. You get an office, away from the rest of your fellow students, you get to work with practitioners and professors, you get to (potentially) publish. The downside is that you have to write a comment. And edit other people's writing.

It's the second one that's really the kicker. If you're not some sort of sadist that just enjoys cutting other people's attempts to ribbons, while coating a Word document in red comment boxes, then sitting for several hours in front of a computer and pouring over the minutiae of the all-knowing Bluebook is probably not your idea of fun. It's particularly annoying when there are obscure sources...as in ones only available on microfiche. Now, if you read this blog, you know my feelings on microfiche. It's not a thing that you should have to actively seek out in order to finish an assignment. Technology exists for a reason. Hell, you can get most books in PDF form.

Luckily, I have devised a way to make this mind numbingly awful task less horrid. It involves having Top Gear or The West Wing on while going about your business. You should also have snacks and beverages near. By snacks and beverages I mean a glass of wine, mineral water (I'll describe my bizarre obsession with that at some other time), tortilla chips, and enchiladas. It's the perfect balance of crunchy (for wakefulness), nutritional (for lack of hunger pains), hydrating (important when awake for many hours), and soothing (for allowing irritation to sublimate into mere annoyance).

The point is that, at some point, doing a QA assignment will feel like this:

And, once you reach that level of delirium, it's time to take a break. That's where Top Gear comes in. It's unobtrusive enough to remain on without greatly distracting you, but interesting and entertaining enough to actually take your mind away from the task at hand when it's break time.

Before you know it, the deadline will be nigh upon you. Let's face it, I don't think anyone can create perfect Bluebook citations, because real sources are never as clean and easy as the examples in the Bluebook. So, by the time you're done, it won't be perfect, but by god, that article will be as good as it is going to get in your mostly competent hands. You will, however, feel as if you spend 12 hours straight doing this:

The point is that this system will make it less than awful. So, winning?

Triumph Over Adversity

I had my first of two interviews today. Both I have to commute to, since they're in other parts of the state. As is wont to happen whenever you're trying to get somewhere on time, traffic decided to be terrible. Terrible in my terms is anything more than an hour and a half where you're just about at a dead stop for anything more than 9 minutes. Oddly specific, I know, but trust me. There was an unexpected accident on the only way to get to this interview...and a rather bad one at that. I saw the warnings when I started off, and figured that they'd have it cleared up by the time I got there 20 some odd minutes later, but that was false. Rather, the Dept. of Transportation decided to shut down all south bound traffic for forty-five minutes for NO APPARENT REASON. The accident was on the shoulder. I saw them towing it away as I inched by at a whopping 6mph. As I started having mini-stress strokes over being late to an interview, I then called the office I was interviewing at. They start you off with a recorded message, as they do, telling you to punch in the option you want, and then telling you that if you're not sure, you should stay on the line for assistance. FALSE. I listened to the same recording 4 times before going, "screw this" and taking my eyes off the road just long enough to mash the key for the operator. Success! I informed them that there had been an accident and that I was running about 15 minutes late (thanks, traffic), then thanked the lovely receptionist, hung up, and drove like a bat out of hell (within reason, obviously) and made it exactly on time. The interview went fine - I met with two lovely people and appear to be quite suited to the position (maybe even employable!) - and then I thanked them and left. I got back home in an hour. Exactly one hour. I sat in traffic for longer than that. Le sigh.

A journal article edit and one more interview to go, and then I can relax a little. Thank the flying spaghetti monster!

And the Clouds Parted.

I was having a crazy day. By crazy, I mean that aside from my hour "break" between class and a meeting, which I spent in the lawbrary writing a motion, I got zero break between 8 AM and 7:30 PM, and then came home to work some more. Two motions, four classes, two meetings, one interview reschedule, and one seriously tight (and ticking down) deadline later. I'm home, having missed my run, and swaddled in my murdered teddy bear blanket and working away on my journal assignment. Not MY journal....the law journal I'm on. Just when I was starting to get frustrated and discouraged, I logged onto the daily puppy, and there he was. He was staring up at me with those mischievous licorice colored eyes, and all of the creaks in my upper back from hunching over a laptop all day and all of my worries about the next 24 hours just floated away.

I have a new love of my life. His name is Jax. He's black and chestnut brown and has floppy ears. He sweats through his tongue. This is a picture of my new man (and yes, I know he belongs to someone else. Just call me a homewrecker.):

SEE?!?!?! How much better is your day now? Infinitely, you say. Told you so. How could anyone not fall into that precious little face?